Naked Weed Whackers and Fry Cooks

Wife: What the fuck!? I thought you were fixing the fucking sink! Husband: Well yeah, l'm watching a video on how to do it. Wife: And when does that part start? Husband: Probably after he finishes fucking her.

During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "Where should I put my pants?" "Over by mine." was not the answer I expected.

The girl seated next to me at the bar sneezed and her glass eye flew out and landed in my hand. I handed it back to her and we got chatting. After a few beers, I took her home and shagged her. Wondering if she was a bit of a slapper l asked her,...

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One day, after striking gold in the Yukon, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. "I'm lookin' for the meanest, toughest, and roughest hooker in Alaska," he said to the...

She was furious and yelled at me, "This is unbelievable! I can't believe you'd do such a thing!" I tried to explain, "Come on honey, can you really blame me? I'm not exactly getting a lot of action from you." She...

Do you know why they invented the two piece swim suit? To separate the meat from the dairy department.

To keep their nuts dry

I brought her to a 5 star restaurant. After we were seated she ordered Lobster, Primavera, biscotti for dessert and a bottle of their finest merlot. I said "Oh my god! Do your parents let you eat like this at home?" "No," she...

He asks for a shave and a haircut. He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old man to put it inside his cheek....