Candaulism

Candaulism is a relatively common term in French but a lot less in English I guess. And speaking with a native English speaker, a close (girl)friend I realised that she and many English speakers understand a lot more than we do in this word.

For me, Candaulism is taking (erotic) pleasure in exposing the nudity of your partner to the eyes of others. It comes from some king who used to hide his servants in places from which they could see the queen naked. Or something, you can Google it up yourselves. And it's considered a paraphilia - just like exhibitionism.

My friend understood a lot more in this term - going all the way to enjoying seeing your partner having sex with other person(s). And it made me think of all the various possibilities in between. Maybe indeed naturists are right in excluding any reference to any sexual implication of nudity. Maybe this would be a slippery slope. Maybe indeed they experience absolutely no sinful pleasure in seeing and being seen - or maybe they purposefully take any sexual reference off the table because they are afraid that this could lead them out of TN into the TS realm.

First, I believe that men are more often candaulists than women. I may be wrong, but I think there are few women who have a hard time convincing their men to join social nudism - but a lot of men are in this situation. I don't mind others seeing D naked, I am proud of how he looks. But of course at 60 he can't compete with some 20 year olds. Still, he can compete, at least in my opinion, with many. I also can't compete with some 20 yo chicks, but I also think I look good for my age and I attract more eyes than many, or even most 20 year olds. That being said, proud as I am of him, I can't say that this is an erotic pleasure. Do I get aroused by seeing other women (and other men, of course) oggling him? Not really. Do I imagine him engaging in various forms or eroticism, say from dancing to sex with those? Nope. Ok, there may be some exceptions, say after having abused a bit of the bubble beds in Sinsheim and if we have one of my girlfriends in the pool with us, naked and smiling from the cocktails she has enjoyed... But this is indeed exceptional.

But D absolutely adores to see me naked socially. He notices all the eyes I attract, all the smiles I receive. Sometimes I even wonder if he enjoys more seeing other women naked or seeing how other guys look at me when I'm naked. Ok, fine, he must enjoy looking at other women more, but by a small margin.

But of course, from Candaulism to swinging it's a gradual and slippery slope. So you like your woman to be seen au naturel. Fine. How about flashing? Seeing your woman dancing naked? How about dancing provocatively? Strip teasing? Lap dancing? Posing for erotic pics with another man? Receiving a nude massage from a man? A nude massage with a happy ending? Giving or receiving one? And then, if you do like all this, why not go the whole nine years and share your woman with other men? I have reasons to believe that D would like all of this. I'm not saying that I have accepted to fulfill all these phantasms of his, but I'm not saying that I haven't either. Up to you to imagine whatever you prefer.

Although many would not call all these scenarios Candaulism, I will refer to them all as such. Let's call it Candaulism plus. So I believe that Candaulism is the opposite of jealousy but, just like shame and arousal, they must have nearby spots on our cortex, if not deeper inside our brain, and we can go from one extreme to the other quite easily. I know that I do. I feel jealous when I propose to another woman to pose for erotica with him, especially if I don't know in advance how far she would want to go. But then the sight of another woman touching my man with her hands, body or lips does turn me on. And yet, I don't define myself as a Candaulist, as in a nudist context I don't really look around to see which women (or men) look at him with interest.

Of course I know where these conflicting emotions, jealousy and Candaulism, come from. The latter comes from our first sexual phase, that of Chimps-like sexual promiscuity. For men, jealousy comes from the latter two phases, that of polygamy and of nominal monogamy, while for women jealousy comes only from the third phase.

So yes, by all possible reasoning, women should be more Candaulist than men. Just the last sexual phase and some societal myths have taught us to be jealous and even in this third sexual phase, why would we care if our man spreads his genes around while still giving us nice babies, caring for them and helping us bring them to adulthood?

Yet, I think that less women than men are Candaulist. Maybe they are not jealous enough to kill another woman for just a longer look or a smile but I still believe that the vast majority of women are more on the jealous side. Maybe less explosive jealousy than some men may feel, but that's just because women are less violent to begin with. Maybe this widespread (although not fully evolutionarily explained) jealousy of women comes from the fact that when you guys fall for another, younger woman in your late forties or fifties, you fall hard. It's not just that you will enjoy some sex with her, you will want to spend the rest of her life with her and raise her babies, not mine. You will feel alive and young again, ready to start everything all over. It is less likely that I will fall for another guy and want to spend the rest of my life with him just because I sleep with him once - or even a few times. It's just sex, people. It's a nice to have, not a must. I'm not going to destroy everything I have because some newer guy fucks me good. But you guys are very much capable of doing this.

And when a woman accepts to fulfil all desires of her Candaulist man, things may soon go very far. Just as a (mild) example, each time I let D select my evening outfits in Cap they were more extreme than the average. Very sheer, elegant top with no bottom, cut-out latex dresses... Well, you saw those pics.

Anyway. So let's just make a poll. I know that most of you don't have a partner who would be ready to do social nudity, let alone something more erotic. But just suppose that you have an attractive partner who would be happy to go as far as you want, just to make you (and why not, herself too) happy, how far would you go? So on a scale of 1 to 12, where 1 is extremely jealous and 12 dedicated swinger, where would you be? Let's try to define such scale.

1. I ask her (or him) to dress as conservatively as possible to avoid being looked at in a certain way.
2. I like her(him) to be elegant and attractive.
3. I want her(him) to dress sexily.
4. I want him to reveal as much as socially acceptable: mini spreedos or topless on a beach, some sheerness etc.
5. I'd like her(him) to not wear any undergarments and and people to be able to guess this.
6. I want her(him) to enjoy and partake into social nudity as much as I do, if not more.
7. I want to see her(him) dancing naked with other persons
8. I want to see her(him) engaging in sexually charged games, strip poker, strip teasing and even lap dancing but with no touching.
9. I want to see her(him) giving and/or receiving nude massage.
10. Same as above but with (manual) happy ending.
11. I want to see her(him) posing for erotica, simulated sex, toys and everything which does not include full penetration.
12. Ok, fine, let's not beat around the bush. All this is fine, but I'd love to see her(him) going all the way to full sexual pleasure with another man (or woman, if you are a woman). Can I say 13, meaning often and even with more than one other partner at a time?

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