Let's talk about breasts - part 2

I got lost in the vocabulary in the first part, so let's take it further.

We all like boobs. At least all straight guys and most women like them. Why wouldn't we. As said in the other post, their primary function is that of sexual signaling, aka to be sexually attractive and display very desirable sexual fitness, aka fertility. We didn't need those big lumps of fat hanging on our chest just to feed babies, gorilla and chimp ladies, let alone lionesses or bitches, don't have them and can feed their babies just fine, thank you. We developed them to keep you guys interested once we became fully bipedal and couldn't rely on our butts to do the job.

So why you guys like them it's clear. You like them because we grew them precisely to be liked by you - and in general we are far sexier than you simply because you have a very unsophisticated taste in women - you just want them to be sexy. Not your fault, it's just evolution, your best reproductive strategy was to impregnate as many of us as possible, while ours was to find a guy who can help us to grow the offspring. So our palate is far more refined, we don't (usually) get aroused by just looking at some male body parts.

Yes, some very young women become groupies, but not for some unknown dude met on a beach. Let's take two opposites, Kurt Cobain (RIP, I'll speak of him in the present tense, as if he were alive, for the sake of simplicity) and Justin Trudeau. Both have lots of groupies, but not (only) because they are good looking. I see any of them on the beach, I look for a second max, I say cool and I go back to my book, far more interesting than any of them. But add to their looks the fortune, celebrity, and being either a bad boy (in the past, bad boys were the best hunters and warriors) or a tribe leader and they become interesting as mating potential for some hormone-challenged 16 y.o. girl who hasn't yet had the time to develop her taste in men. As a side note, none of these two is my style and I am fully disgusted by Trudeau from all possible points of view, but I try to be fair and agree that most women see him as the sexiest head of state.

But why do we ladies like boobs? First, because most of us are potentially bi, simply because we have such a complex palate. In a famous experiment, scientists measured skin conductivity, the first indicator of arousal, in both men and women, while showing them various pics. For men it was simple: their skin conductivity increased when they were shown images of naked women (for straight guys) or men (for gay guys). For women, all this was blurred - they could get aroused at pics of men, women, even of chimps making love or simply kissing... It all depended of the emotion the pic transmitted.

I don't get visibly physically aroused when taking the pics or looking of them, although my models (most of whom are my girlfriends) are very sexy. But I'm sure that if you measured my skin conductivity you would find some good doze of arousal anyway. Not that I want to have sex with them (although, in the right circumstances...) but they are just so beautiful and I try to extract this beauty in the pics I take.

The second reason why we also like boobs is I guess that we had to keep competition in check. We had to know when another woman is a danger for our man, so we needed to know what a sexy woman looks like. And yes, we did develop a taste for beauty and... Yes, for boobs.

I also mentioned in a previous post why I believe that a majority of men like bigger boobs in their youth and smaller ones in their later years. It's just a question of availability and sexual signaling. In their teens, most girls have smaller boobs (they do have a tendency to develop more in late teens and early 20s) and they are all fertile. So larger boobs are not only rarer but may also signal a bit of extra fertility and capacity to feed a baby. After their late 40s, men start to be surrounded by women with bigger boobs but around their own age, so whose fertility is declining or has ended. So small boobs are not only rare (and rarity creates value) but also a signal of youth, and extra youth at that age means extra fertility. So yes, the best way to signal sexual fitness is having big boobs in the early years and small ones later in life. Plus, of course, small boobs will remain perky while big ones will start to sag, and perkiness is another sign of sexual fitness.

Then of course boobs are fitted with those lovely small buttons, the nipples. Small or not too small, depending. Now nipples' main evolutionary function is, unlike for the boobs proper, to feed the babies but, just like for the boobs, it is clear that they also have a sexual function, otherwise they wouldn't have all those erotic nervous terminations which make them so nice to be suckled by adults. So yes, please, do play with them even (and especially if) you are way past your suckling age...

Of course, just as for boobs, there are regional variations, given by the proximity of the DNA of groups of people in certain regions (yes, you can call those groups races as long as long as you don't attach any value judgment to it): Asian ladies usually have small, perky boobs with big nipples but small, dark areolas, while Nordic ladies usually have big boobs with small nipples but larger, pink areolas. Or so I noticed.

Now, for the same reasons as for the boobs, I would expect that most men like bigger, darker nipples and areolas in their youth and smaller, pink ones later in life. Big, dark nipples are striking and cry out "I'm sexually fit, come play with these babies". You will know that a lady is topless from maybe 200 yards away just because you can notice her nipples. On the contrary, small, light-coloured nipples are far more modest and less loud but they do signal youth, the lost youth of the viewer. Of course, this is just my theory, exposed here for a reality check.

I actually also wanted to write about my preference in terms of boobs and about the advantages and disadvantages of having big ones, but I got side-tracked again and this topic is already too long and boring. Maybe in a third instalment about this fundamental issue: our boobs.

And now, the usual poll: what do you prefer:
1. Small or big boobs? A, B, C, D, E...?
2. Small or big nipples?
3. Small or big areolas?
4. Dark or light-coloured nipples/areolas?

• Flag
• Edit
• Delete
• Quote
• Reply