Funniest nude beach experience?
I'm at Gunnison two weeks ago. Beautiful Saturday. Beautiful nude
crowd. With TN buddy., Dave. Dave super nice, super smart. He's at
water's edge. Bathing-suited man walks up. Only textiled on beach.
Starts talking to Dave. Asks Dave if his swimsuit ok for textile
beach to north. Huh? Dave says, 'I guess so. The textiled then
hollers. 'Small penis alert! Small penis alert! And pulls his suit
to his ankles. Then runs away to north. Dave in shock. First person
ever to be flashed by a textile on nude beach. Way to go, Dave!!
;-). Anyone else have crazy story!?
St. Martin, FWI ... Club Orient Beach
A group of nudists sitting about 100 ft from us were geared up for the cruise ship people that walk down the beach to see naked people. These nudists and guests of Club Orient always set up this area to entice cruise ship people to strip in exchange for a cold beer and some beads. They had a sign thatread ... "FREE BEER ... just take off your clothes!"
We'd met a really great couple a few days before and they were just a real cut up. One of the most fun couples we've ever met at Club O. They'd been on the beach and sitting with our group for those few days. He'd already walked down the beach to check out the commotion near this group. Not stopping but walking by and read the sign and saw the group trying to entice two couples to try nudity on the beach.
These new friendsbrought a cooler down to the lounge chair with them but ran outta beer. He got a great idea and ran back to their room, grabbed up some clothes, a couple of hats and flip flops and sunglasses. He and his wife got dressed with our help to shield them from the group handing out beers and beads. They got dressed, flip flops in hand and started walking down the beach, looking like a couple of cruise people. One by one, our group got up and walked into the water to watch them interact with the group down the beach.
They were stopped by the group handing out beers. They had a conversation with them and the wife put on an act we were all falling for. She was saying that she couldn't get naked there and her husbandkept playing along trying to get her to do it. By now ... the free beer and beads group had formed a semi circle around this couple telling them how freeing and wonderful being naked was and that they should try it.This group felt thatthey were close. They were finally gonna get a textile couple to strip on the beach and prove to them how great it was to be naked on the beach. The fake textile tourist couple finally agreed after about 5 mins of this charade, dropped their clothes to applause from this group until the guy handing them their beers said .... "hey wait! They don't have any tan lines!"
To that, all of us in the water standing nearby began to clap and laugh. The group had been dooped by a couple of fellow nudists for some free beer! The group down the beach was so taken by this couple that our new friends never had to get up from their lounge chairs for two more days, to get a beer. Someone from that group always walked down with two cold ones for them ... still laughing about being tricked!
I was climbing a cliff on a nudist beach, naked of course. My two friends drew attention to me by taking photos. The cliff provided the only shade on the beach. Then about 20 textiles arrived looking for a shady spot to do yoga. They watched every move I made, first climbing, then posing, then coming back down. Only then did the yoga session start. And I was invited to join them - the only one naked.
The other funny story I have involves Club Orient's beach and
cruise ship gawkers which took place a few years prior to my first
story. This incident happened two days before our
arrival. It was witnessed by several of our close friends and
many of those we know on the beach that witnessed it as well.
Any of you that have ever been to Club O know that there is signage
at the north end of the beach. A large, billboard type sign with a
picture of a nakedman and woman and a picture of a camera
with a red circle and slash through it to say ... no
cameras. Typically what happens is that cruise ship
people come to Orient Beach via taxi or van. It's an
excursion sold by cruise ships. "Visit Orient Beach where you can
visit a well known nude beach used by a few hundred naked
people." Orient Beach is a fun beach all it's own but many
that sign up for this excursion surely are interested in the
nudes. They are dropped off at a BBQ place called
Pedro's. This place abuts Club O's property and many times,
nudists will walk right over to Pedro's for lunch. Pedro's
does allow nude patrons.
A typical cruise ship in port day for Club Orient sees dozens of
clothed, pasty white tourists walking down the beach pretending not
to gawk at all the nudes. Many of the nudes closest to
the Club Orient sign and Pedro's can be heard telling these cruise
ship people to "put the camera away!" "Hey, NO cameras
allowed!" Usually those with the cameras will wave and put
the cameras away. Apparently, this one guy was ignoring
everyone.
This cruise ship guy was walking with his wife. They'd
already apparently walked the other section of Orient Beach as he
was also carrying a large bag ofsouvenirsthey'd
bought from stores down the beach. As they began their walk down
the beach and he'd taken a couple of pictures with a 35mm
cameraand many of the nudes were calling out to him ... "put
that camera away!" His wife became concerned and was telling
him to put the camera away. He was heard by many, and our
friends, saying ... "this is a public beach. I can have a camera
here." This couple continued walking down the beach to
Papagayo, Club Orient's restaurant.
A few female nudists had already had a plan in store or figured it
would finally get this guy's wife to take the camera away but ...
on their way back up the beach, they came upon a few females in a
group that were lying on their lounge chairs with the legs spread
wide purposely. One of the nude females was even on her stomach with
legs spread. THIS really got his attention ... which took his
attention off where the hell he was going. He began to
slow down his pace, his wife got a few feet ahead of him and as he
took the first couple of pictures, he began to stumble in about 8
inches of water. He ended up losing his footing and tumbled
sideways into the water ... camera and all!
He was completely submerged, camera submerged, bag of souvenirs
submergedand continued to have trouble regaining his footing
to get out of the water ... all the while, the camera remained
dangling from it's neck strap submerged in the water. By now,
according to our close friends, about 200 nudists got up from their
lounge chairs, walked close to the water's edge and were laughing
and clapping for the demise of the camera and it's contents.
This guy's wife, turned, saw her husband submerged in the water and
then turned around and kept walking away from him. Not sure
if she was pissed at him or didn't want to have any contact with
the 200 nudes now applauding her husband's stupidity!
Our only regret is that we missed this incident!
The other funny story I have involves Club Orient's beach andcruise ship gawkers which took place a few years prior to my firststory. This incident happened two days before ourarrival. It was witnessed by several of our close friends andmany of those we know on the beach that witnessed it as well.
That reminds me of a similar funny incident at Haulover Beach a few years ago. I had gone in swimming and as I was getting out of the water I noticed a middle aged textile couple walking south from the clothed part of the beach close to the waters edge. The guy/husband had his cell phone down by his side in his hand pointed towards the people lying naked sunbathing, you could hear the click click click noise a cell phone makes when you take photos, so he was obviously taking sneaky photos hoping nobody would notice..... FYI - Dont f**k with the Irish.I had a feeling they'd turn around once they reached the southern end of the nudist part of the beach and make their way back for a second photo spree. I spotted them returning and got a few friends together with OUR cell phones. We rushed up and walked along side them with our phones in a similar position the guy had his phone and we pretended to be taking photos of the couple and commenting out loud to each other "do you think they noticed us taking pics..... did you get a good shot of them....... hey I just got a shot of their feet...... dammit this one came out blurred, let me take another shot..... "The woman/wife got totally embarrassed and grabbed the guys phone and said "I told you not to do that".
Grey Whale Cove/Devil's Slide in California. Typical for a day I can get out to the beach while on a business trip, it's cool, windy and foggy, only about four people on the beach (all in the nude area). I'd spent about as much time getting sandblasted as I can stand and I'm walking back toward the stairs to the parking lot.
As I come around the rocks, there's a small cove with a nude couple trying to balance a camera on the rocks to shoot pix of themselves. I swear they were looking out toward the beach, but when I said, "Would you like me to take a picture for you?" they jumped as if I'd snuck up on them (I'm a little tall to sneak up on anyone). We had a laugh, I took a couple photos for them (this was years enough ago that it was a digital camera, not a phone), and I said, "Be sure to email me a copy" (more laughs -- no, we didn't exchange email addresses).
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