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I must have a very nice butt...(-l-)... every time l turn around, l hear people whisper "what an ass"

This illustrates the point.

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It's not premarital sex, if you have no intention of getting married.

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It's okay if you don't like me.... Not everyone has good taste.

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I'm having a big sale....clothing is 100% off at my house.

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In my Defense....l was left Unsupervised!!!

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I'm in a good place right now....not emotionally...its just that l'm at the liquor store.

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Forget about the past, you can't change it. Forget about the future, you can't predict it. Forget about the present, I didn't get you one. Happy birthday!

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As a kid my dad convinced me that the icecream truck only played music when they were sold out. Well played, dad, well played.

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Don't trust a brilliant idea .....unless it survives The Hangover.

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This morning, I wanted to make sure that my wife woke up with a big smile on her face, how l can't have Sharpie's in the house anymore.

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