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Thank you for this :)

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I'm kind of like a finger in the ass... I'm either a wonderful surprise or make everything fucking awkward and uncomfortable.

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LMNAO good one I resemble that remark sometimes lol

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Same here

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Everyone's complaining about people having their Christmas Tree up early..Hell, l'm already drunk for St. Patrick's Day!

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If anyone is alone with no one to spend Thanksgiving with please let me know, I need to borrow some chairs.

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No matter how hard you throw a toilet plunger, it won't actually stick to someone's face. Don't ask me how l know this.

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What happens after you die..... Lots of things....... They just don't involve you.

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I just got my first date of the Year lined up. I mean it's a court date, but it's still a date and I'm dressing up.

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I went to the Doctor and found out l'm not Bipolar, apparently l'm just an Asshole.

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