RE:Quote of the day

At my funeral would someone please take the bouquet off of my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who is next.

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RE:Quote of the day

You sure you want that Bud?!
If the bouquet hits the ground; you're going to hell!

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RE:Quote of the day

A woman was changing clothes one morning while her husband sat on the bed watching TV. After removing all of her clothes she looked at herself in the full-length mirror. She said "I'm old, fat, ugly and wrinkled". Then she turned to her husband and asked "Don't you have anything nice you can say about me?". He looked at her a minute then said "Your eyesight is damn near perfect".

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RE:Quote of the day

Along the same lines, Herb, Fred, and Nancy l all lived in a retirement community. Nancy really wanted to get Herb's attention so she decided to come to breakfast naked one morning. Fred said to Herb, "Can you see what Nancy is wearing this morning?" Herb replied, "Not too well, but it whatever it is, it sure needs ironing!"

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RE:Quote of the day

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?Anybody have an owner's manual for a wife? Mine's making a whining sounds.Slap the bitch.

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Another fine day ruined by responsibility...

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You can't control everything..... your hair was put on your head to remind you of that.

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I think I'm starting to lose my mind. But as long as I keep the part that tells me when I got to pee, I should be okay.

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I think I'm starting to lose my mind. But as long as I keep the part that tells me when I got to pee, I should be okay.

Until it comes time to poop.

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I wasn't planning on going for a run today.......but those cops came out of nowhere

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