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Remember, you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose.

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I have to keep reminding myself that l'm an Adult.......and will be charged as one.

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Everyone appreciates your honesty.... until you're honest with them..... then you're an asshole

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I'm never sure if I actually have free time or if I just keep forgetting shit.

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Due to rising costs, dirty deeds are no longer done dirt cheap.

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Right before l die, l am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.

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If you line up all of my exes in a row.......you can see the flow chart of my mental illness.

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There's no need to drive me crazy.....l'm close enough to walk.

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You know you're getting old when it feels like the morning after...... But there was no night before.....

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Just trying to keep cool by standing naked infront of the fridge with the door open..... but the supermarket staff did ask me to please leave the store.

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