Have you ever noticed that a woman's.......... I'll be ready in 5 minutes,
and a man's......... I'll be home in 5 minutes,
Are exactly the same!!

• 8 years ago

Wait till I tell my wife this one. I better be ready to duck.

• 8 years ago

There is no need to repeat yourself..... I ignored you just fine the first time.

• 8 years ago

Me Behave?........Seriously?

• 8 years ago

Real friends show me their Boobs.....True friends let me touch them.

• 8 years ago

I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life, that is if I die next Thursday.

• 8 years ago

Nothing messes up your Friday like realising it's only Thursday.

• 8 years ago

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead.

• 8 years ago

Nothing messes up your Friday like realising it's only Thursday.

Or thinking it's Thursday when it's actually Friday, and going in to work the next day.

• 8 years ago

If we're not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge?

• 8 years ago