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If you see me smiling , it's because I'm thinking of doing something naughty...If you see me laughing, it's because I've already done it!!!

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When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirin and Keep Away From Children... just like it says on the bottle.

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If you think nobody cares if you're still alive.... Try Missing a couple of payments!!!

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I know the voices aren't real....but man do they come up with some great ideas.

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I have mixed drinks about feeling...

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I just saw 3 people jogging outside and it inspired me to get up and close the blinds.

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Exercise makes you look better naked...so does Tequila....your choice..

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All my life I thought air was free...until I bought a bag of chips..

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Admit it....Life would be so boring without me.....

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Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not the one ahead of you!!!

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