Why is your spouse reluctant
First I want to say my wife has made tremendous strides in feeling comfortable being nude socially. She sometimes gets upset when she sees someone gawking at me, but after a few minutes she is calm and having fun.
WHY IS YOUR SPOUSE RELUCTANT?
For Laura I see it as not accepting her body image. I'm not sure if she is afraid someone will look or she is afraid no one will look. She also seems to have other issues.
I also think she has a bit of difficulty with wanting to peak at others and then feeling guilty about it. We have been married for over 30 years, if she wants to look she should look (I have said that to her). It is okay she is human and that is our nature. I will not be jealous.
That is her other issue. She gets extremely jealous. At my job I am surrounded by a lot of women (elementary school)most of them younger than me. The women are pretty and casual with me and that drives her crazy. I have been kissed and rubbed and have even been with some as they change clothing. I think at the beach she associates the school behaviors with people on the beach because I find it very easy to meet people.
She needs to feel confident, and she just does not quite yet
My wife is very accepting ofthe nude life. As long as its at a resort or beach. She barely ever sleeps nude. Our northern home has acres of privacy and our southern home is surrounded by our neighbors that are nudists as well. She doesnt feel jts appropriate to be nude at home. Nor will you see her ever sit and eat while nude. Even at a resort restaurant. In fact we went to nude night at the resort restaurant and the waitress had to friendly remind her that sbe was not properly undresssed. One reason is in case of visitors. Yet she is more than welcoming to to be undressed resorts and beaches and has no problem with me or others ways of nudity. We have some other nude neighbors, women and one male that follows the same philosophy at home to the point that we that do go nude are criticized by them.
Mrs Rock was reluctant only on the social side but very much a home nudist. Not only reluctant to socialize nude but literally petrified of it. She was raised in an ultra conservative atmosphere and she has been dogged after her entire life. When she did work through those fears of being seen without clothes on it heightened her sensitivity of being dogged after. She felt like fresh pickings for sometime when we visited somewhere.
I learned from visiting a club and her having a bad experience to research first where we go and how to deflect some of the unwanted attention. She seemed to be a swingers magnet for some reason. I couldn't tell you how many times I had been asked why she or we didn't swing. No judgement for those that are as we have some very near and dear friends that practice the lifestyle.
I sure didn't want her to have yet another bad experience so I was pretty vigilant. Over time she relaxed more being socially nude. Handles being flirted with or approached as she would anywhere else which allowed me to relax more myself. Our club has become her second home, only issues I can remember there is an occasional something by a single male visitor. Now I don't feel like I have to be on guard duty though I'm still mindful. She has grown leeps and bounds in confidence handling herself while being completely naked.
WHY IS YOUR SPOUSE RELUCTANT?
I've been with two reluctant long-term partners. Although the reasons were different, the "work" involved was pretty much the same.
My ex grew up in a socio-cultural environment where nudity = sex 99% of the time. The African-American culture at that time, with rap videos and overtly sexual lyrics, popularized oppressive sexism and misogyny. On top of that she had body issues: this was before people like Kim K. and Amber Rose popularized "that" specific look; and she was very self-conscious of it. She feared being body-shamed and/or being sexually objectified.
It took a long time before she started being nude at home. It took even longer to convince her to accompany me to a nudist resort. And it wasn't until she started meeting other nudist women that her fears started dissipating. She found she wasn't being body-shamed or sexually objectified; and it freed her. Once she was freed from her fears, she started embracing social nudity and her cultural differences: being an African-American female nudist in a primarily Caucasian sub-culture. Sometimes that fact got her "attention" that she didn't always necessarily want; but she decided to accept it - and be naturally nude - with and around the people whose company she had grown to enjoy.
My fiance comes from a completely different background. She grew up in an environment where nudity = gross 99% of the time. In the "posh" environment she grew up in, clothing was symbolic of status and respectability. To be nude was to be "lesser than..."
Although she also has body-acceptance issues, they are negligible. If it's warm enough, she will wear form-fitting clothing, short dresses or skirts, and go braless/commando. She looks up to Heidi Klum; and although she realizes it would be very difficult for her to achieve that physical and fashion standard, she makes comparisons that are unrealistic. It's actually ironic that her "idol" Heidi Klum also happens to be a nudist.
It took a long time before she started being nude at home. It took a trip to St Martin before she tried social nudity. As she met other nudists and socializing with them, she started seeing nudists as just people. Like her. She also realized that you don't have to look like Heidi Klum to be comfortable nude. Going nude at Club O. was an eye-opening experience for her. We're going back to St Martin in March; and this time around she wants to spend much more time nude on the beach.
Two reluctant partners; reluctant for completely different reasons. There are so many possible reasons behind the reluctance that there is no "one solution." But in both cases it took what I call the "3 P's": "patience, perseverance and positive reinforcement" to help them along reach a place where they could see and experience nudism in a different light. And shed their misconceptions about social nudity. Although it is true that you "can't lead a horse to water and make them drink", if you don't try or just give up, you'll never know.
I agree with Andy. You pushed it too far by going to the dance. Unfortunately that's where you'll get more people and more activities that are not related to just enjoying life without clothes. My wife goes with me to resorts in the caribbean and locally (not always) but we generally just enjoy the day playing volleyball in the pool, socializing, and getting some sun. We have gone to a couple of dances in the evening but we are not really party people so have avoided situations where things might get uncomfortable but have seen that it is there. As Andy said, you'll have to start over but just enjoy the day. There's an old addage about strange things coming out at night. :)
Richmonds post gave me pause to reflect a bit. Recently we visited a resort for a few days. When checking in there was a post to members at the desk in short warning members that open sex was not going to be tolerated and it went on. Obviously it had been an issue.
I can't stay up much past 10:00 no matter where I'm at so we are not seeing a late night party crowd. At this resort I woke up late one evening and was heading out to the smoking area. Mrs Rock said she would tag along as it was a beautiful night. As we were sitting at a table, it was dark except for the glow of all the swimming pools which their were a few people sitting in talking and having some drinks.
I thought nothing of it and then realized a couple was having intercourse in the pool. They knew we were aware of it but continued on. It didn't effect or offend us as we aren't prudes and just minded our own business. If that were to happen 5 years ago when Mrs. Rock was checking out social nudity as Mrs Richmond was it would have been a total different outcome.
I know I am repeating myself, Mrs Rock had a bad experience her first club visit and would not give it another real try for I think 2-3 years. It was like starting over. It sure wasn't easy and I don't know if we would be active club members to this day if not for the friendship Mrs Rock found in Fireman Bill and especially his wife.
Rock, our stories and experiences are similar in so many ways.
We've experienced what you have and each time, it's been Di's idea to venture to one place or another where we encountered situations where it would have killed her involvement in social nudism if she hadn't already been exposed to a little of that from time to time, prior to seeing things we saw.
Di, like Mrs. Rock, is no dummy. She knows and realizes that being naked for some is sexually based and that visiting a nude place is sometimes done to add a spark to a relationship. She knows and realizes that not all people that visit nude places are as committed to the naturist/nudist wholesome philosophy many of us follow. We/she will see things and sometimes, Di sees things I do not. It's not deterred her from continuing to visit places with me or suggest we visit new places. It's always her call.
At a resort in Tampa, FL: We were suppose to arrive NYE and partake in the festivities. Good thing our plans had to change because we didn't arrive until and afternoon of NYD. Apparently a swingers group essentially took over the resort and it was more than wild. Some of that held over to the next night and as we sat in the bar, we witnessed some pretty graphic sexual acts, short of intercourse! When I went to the front desk to complain, I was told that "if they don't see anything, they can't do anything about it." The next day I was told by residents that management told them, "those people are what keep the place running. They spend the money." The management was willing to look the other way.
At our nude beach: It was well known that those that wanted to play needed to go well south of the military fence line that divided the state beach from the Marine Corp base property. Again, it was Di's idea to go for a walk that way because, we could be nude on our walk. I explained that she'd see things down there that we wouldn't allow up at our end. She understood and we began our walk. Gay, hetero mutual masturbation, oral sex, intercourse and some threesomes and more. It was a free for all. On any given day, we'd witness any or some of these going on. She said, "I just concentrate on the walk and do my best to ignore that side of the sand."
We aren't prudes either and she said, "it's fine with me that they want to do that, as long as they keep it where it belongs and not on our end of the beach." Didn't happen ... that's why we lost the beach. But if I had not told Di about what happens at that beach or give her a heads up that a place we want to visit is hosting a sexual themed event, she'd not want to visit that place ever again and may well have tainted her enjoyment of social nudism.
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