Inappropriate Comments on Member Photos
Hello all,
I've been trying to stay on top of the thread about inappropriate photos and the responsibility we have as members to police this, when something associated with this discussion popped into my head. I've posted it here and not onto the actual thread itself (or on the Conduct and Etiquette Forum) since I think the discussion can stand on it's own.
There any number of reasons that I will often visit a member's profile and/or media: looking for friends, someone makes a comment I agree or disagree with in forums, a new local, a member that belongs to a group that I belong to. Maybe it's considered voyeuristic but I may visit any number of profiles and pictures when I am on line for various reasons and think that's how you start to make friends here...
What's bothered me lately is not that there are pictures that I feel are inappropriate (that's the other forum discussion), but the fact that I feel so many of the comments posted to member's pictures are really offensive.
As I nudist I would never think of commenting on someone's genitalia or making suggestive or lewd sexual comments, but see it continually. I rarely like someone's photo when I don't know them and when I do it's because we have something in common and it's fairly visible in our profiles or we have shared behavior or beliefs defined by a group membership.
Does anyone else see lewd and inappropriate comments as frequently as I do and how do you handle it?
I think my confusion stems from the fact that I feel comfortable in flagging a picture and feel that it's my duty if it's sexually explicit, but don't know what the best practice is here. I assume all verbiage is okay since the owner of the photograph had to have friended the member making the comments, but even then I have to assume that a great number of members have to be uncomfortable with some of the comments on their photos.
Any idea on how I should handle this? Am I the only one that cringes a lot at photo comments? Do I turn a blind eye because this falls on the owner of the photo and the commentator?
Seriously looking for best-practices, rules, and guidance here...
Kevin
As with any group of people, you'll find a wide range of attitudes. I have some nudist friends who are a lot more suggestive / explicit than me and some who are more conservative than me. The same with those simply looking at my pictures.
I take each one as they come. Often the comment can be taken in fun and it gives me a giggle. If it's a bit more than I'm comfortable with, I'll simply ignore it.
When I get overly lewd comments from complete strangers online, I know not to reply / friend that person as we're unlikely to have much in common.
Seriously? Comments on body parts?I have never met a nudist that would do that....
I know, right? But take 5 minutes to look at various members pictures with multiple comments and you'll see some very inappropriate comments. Again, you have to be a friend to comment so maybe the person thinks its acceptable or doesn't know how to respond to it, but it makes me feel very awkward...
Here are 3; it took me 1 minute to look at two profiles to find these, and these aren't rare exceptions...
Sadly, would-be nudists, or those curious to learn about it, see this stuff and think this is what social nudism is about. In real face to face interaction, it is inappropriate to instantly comment on body parts - and we've never seen or heard such at a resort or beach. As stated above, substantially less than half the people here have actual experience in social nudism, and they don't understand that common respect and courtesy isn't removed when the clothes are removed.
Simple rule of thumb would you do it at club or nudist venue with lots of people if the answer is no then don't do it here. Just because its in the internet the same rules apply as if you were standing right in front of someone.
I agree, but that doesn't answer the question. Seems from the responses that 1.) the comments are from people who aren't really nudists, and 2.) regardless of whether they are or aren't "real" nudists there's nothing that can or will be done, by individuals or the site admin. For all I know (since you have to be friends in order to publish these types of comments on a photo) all other users and the site admins feel that this is acceptable behavior.
Turning a blind eye never resolves anything and it seems that this is a pat answer. Just by saying "if you wouldn't do it in a club then don't do it here" addresses nothing. If these comments were being made in a club then a group of men would be escorting the offender to the door - there's no escorting being done here.
Feels like 5% of the people here are real nudists and the rest get away with whatever they want, which is why I think so many people stop being active or delete profiles, or why so many couples and women won't interact with good and honest men.
Does anyone know if you block a user or unfriend another member that their comments will be deleted from a photo? If so then this might be the answer.
I'm sorry that I can't let it go, it's just so frustrating...
Kevin
I don't know if unfriending someone removes their comments. But a user can remove a comment by going to their own media, opening the photo so that the panel of comments appears to its right, and then clicking on the little "X" by the comment. This is not particularly obvious, so I wouldn't take anyone to task for allowing a questionable comment to remain.
I don't know if unfriending someone removes their comments. But a user can remove a comment by going to their own media, opening the photo so that the panel of comments appears to its right, and then clicking on the little "X" by the comment. This is not particularly obvious, so I wouldn't take anyone to task for allowing a questionable comment to remain.
Thanks SteveinKona - that's a good start!
I've had a few comments that might be considered flattering or ego boosting but they were inappropriate for someone, such as ourselves, and of a site called "True Nudists", to allow or allow to remain, so I did what Steve suggested and deleted the comments. Both comments were made by friends (couples). The comments were made in a friendly manner and we are still friends with both couples to this day but I removed the comments.
We have a circle of very close nudist friends. Some of them we've shared hotel rooms and condos with. We've been in some pretty tight quarters with each other and have become very good friends but it's never crossed the line of close friendship. Would I accept a comment from any of them that was made on my/our pictures, probably, but they'd never make those comments out load so I would expect the same respect of those friends here on TN but some will test those boundaries and push the limits. We have a choice to allow it and allow the comments to remain or delete the comments and possibly delete the friendship.
Some here may say that those comments are harmless but my thinking is that those that allow those things to be said about one's pictures is something they are hoping for and like. I prefer people keeping their inappropriate comments to themselves about our personal pictures and giving us that respect.
If you browse my posting history, you'll see that I am undoubtedly one of the most body - and SEX - positive folks roaming this little virtual nudist resort. I am constantly railing against the self neutering we nudists consistently engage in, and cry out for us to embrace our natural and beautiful sexual selves and stop participating in the shame game there, as it springs from the same well as the body shaming.
That said tacky is tacky. There's just something to be said for practicing a bit of decorum. I cringe reading some of these things, too. Do I think them? Sure. Say them? You bet...if and when I've established enough communication with the person to feel it will be well received, and then PRIVATELY through messages.
It isn't a sex shame thing for me. It just seems.,.well, objectifying and a little devaluing. I welcome the chance to tell someone what great tits or gorgeous cock they have, but only after I've established that it isn't the primary asset they possess. I love hearing those compliments, but if that is all I hear from someone, I honestly feel more down than up about it because I start thinking there must not be much about the inner me that's worth notice.
All that, and then factor in the future unknown audience for these comments. People who are all up tight about sexuality can take a flying leap as far as I'm concerned but I would like to try to be mindful of younger people who might read the comments and also those who might get the impression that this is all there is to nudism.
It's not at all what I mean when I talk about being sex-positive because that just comes off as more sleazy than anything else.
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