We have over 400 friends requests pending. They are almost exclusively from single men who either want to have sex with me, Lorna or both of us. We make it clear on our profile that we are genuine naturists and not swingers but they must not have read that.If you are a naturist couple on the internet this is what you have to put up with.
Ugh how frustrating that must be!!!!!
There was a thread started a couple of days ago by an 18yo girl with a certified profile.It was revealed to be completely false.If you want to, you can fake it.
And there is the crux of the problem so many people here certified and not are not what/who they suggest they are and there is very little that an individual member can do about it
Livelikeborn, you are pre-judging no certified people the same way that you have noted single men are.
To use steveleonas example of 10 couples in a restaurant. You said you would come in and get your own table. The analogy is that you start sending messages to the tables saying Hi, my name is Dick. You wouldnt/shouldnt do that. Same here, sending an unsolicited message even if it is just introducing yourself, is not a good idea in most cases.
I have learned that the best way to make friends and show your intentions here is by posting and commenting in the forum or groups. You can tell more about a person by the groups they join and the comments they make. You can have meaningful conversation with people just like you have in this thread.
If you are in the chat room or posting on the forums you are inviting discussion. Thats appropriate.
The restaurant analogy is just to point out where its inappropriate.
If single male naturists are unsure where and when its appropriate to look to start a conversation simply ask yourself. Would I do it if we were all dressed.
As for sending unsolicited personal messages, you are never going to stop that, but as a rule Ill pay attention to a message if its from a name I recognise from these posts. Strangers will more often than not, remain strangers.
i would also encourage checking discussions and posting where it interests you first. If you then find people who you would like to know better, send them a friend request and note something they posted that interests you.
When I get a friend request that doesn't incluled comments, I don't delete it immediately, I do check their profile.
If they have more friends than posts, a private profile or mostly sexual posts, I delete it.
If the initial request has sexual overtones, I just delete it immediately.
We have over 400 friends requests pending. They are almost exclusively from single men who either want to have sex with me, Lorna or both of us. We make it clear on our profile that we are genuine naturists and not swingers but they must not have read that.If you are a naturist couple on the internet this is what you have to put up with.
This site is dying due to threads like this, polarizing the world into two camps of orthodox nudists and perverts. How can you be so vain to think that 400 people want to have sex with you? And then claim victimhood as a result? People are sexual in nature, we're born that way and it's a gift. And it's our blessing to own and feel our sexuality, though not a right to share it with others without their permission and in public. We need discretion, not denial or repression.
I grew up in an ethnic evangelical enclave that also broke the world into the "us" and "sinful others," and claimed victimhood for fighting the good fight by bashing others focused on their favorite sins. I was shamed and abused for asking questions and holding people accountable for their lies and hypcorisy without even rebelling in my behavior. Gay men, whom I was warned about, turned out to be better role models for me of living with authenticity and integrity, and I'm referring to their lifestyle excluding sexuality. Naturism taught me to shed my repression and shame, and I am a better person as a result. Younger people are also a saving grace in being honest, speaking openly and being accepting of themselves and others, while maintaining healthy boundaries. They mainly disregard and distance themselves from toxic and dysfunctional people and places and I don't blame them for disassociating from discussions like this one. They run to the hils and don't want anything to do with TN.
TN is becoming an increasingly toxic and polarized forum and is dying as a result. This is sad because we need each other more than we need to suffer from undesirables unlike us. That is unfortunately also a sign of our times. Let us put aside these hateful or spiteful attitudes to listen and be compassionate, respectful and healing instead.
Codebare I agree that that is what it should be but as stated, a lot of the people here are not here as what I would describe a a True Nudist.
If you at a bar or a party as a couple having someone send a note would be creepy. However if there is a conversation going and all are participating in the conversation and then you send a note to a couple that is pertinent to the conversation you all were just having, then there is context to the note.
I say I have learned because early on I sent request and accepted request without knowing much about the person. I was blocked a lot. Now I dont ask to be friends much because I dont have to be on your friends list. I enjoy our encounters in our shared groups and forums.
Its a fact that we do have over 400 friends request pending. We get about three a week they rarely contain a message but I always check the profile. Its almost always sexual in nature, either directly in the info or indirectly by which groups they belong too.
You are correct that its vain to think they all want to have sex. Maybe they just want to join our book club.
No where in this thread have I indicated that we feel victimised. Its not frustrating either, its just how things work on TN.
I feel sorry that the OP has had such a bad experience, but I think hes wrong to blame all couples for his lack of a naturist partner. Something he hopes for on his profile .
I wish him the best of luck.
I feel sorry that the OP has had such a bad experience, but I think hes wrong to blame all couples for his lack of a naturist partner. Something he hopes for on his profile . I wish him the best of luck.
I admire your shift in attitude to show acceptance and empathy. I also encourage you to consider going through some of those 400 contacts and reaching out to make new friends. As more mature men, it's important for us to realize that we are the generation that younger people look to for wisdom, empathy and a listening ear. It turns out we have a lot to learn from each other, but as the old joes we need to take the initiative to inquire, affirm and encourage. Sometimes I question if I'm just my same old young stupid self with grey hairs, but I'm not. We're not. I affirm how we alll 50+ have a lot to offer, and it starts with our hearts of compassion and courage, and all shall be well.
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