Having nudist friends: how important is it?
I was chatting with my wife about nudist friends with my wife; and as usual, I started reflecting and having some thoughts.
It actually took a long time for my wife and I to make nudist friends; a "task" that proved more difficult than anticipated. At the resort (perhaps we didn't go often enough or stayed long enough), we never seemed to get beyond the "acquaintance stage." My wife invited a few of her friends that showed interest; but they all chickened out (in part because we go to a "nude-obligatory"" resort).
Then; through an "unlikely coincidence", I ran into an old co-worker at the resort. Since we had a pre-existing relationship and similar nudist values, it made sense for us to "stick together" and develop our relationship into a close friendship. We've been hanging out ever since, and have also developed friendships with their nudist friends.
For me, it's been a boon. Interpersonal nudist connections have always been important to me.
My wife is more ambivalent about it. On the one hand, if nudism was "100% her way", she'd spend most of the entire day sprawled out on the deck by the lake, quietly taking in the scenery and good weather. Pre-friendships, she was social; but as long as the interaction was "passing" (or in the hot-tub, where she'd be immersed anyway and in full control of her "level of exposure.") That "control" went away with prolonged interaction with our friends. The benefit of that though, by her own admission, is that she's been able to achieve a "higher level" of comfort being openly naked as a result of our interactions. At this point we've all seen each other naked "every which way"; so her "relaxed state" has greatly increased as a result of our friendship. She barely even thinks about "how they see her" at all anymore; so she can "let her hair down" and be confident in her nudity around them.
But...that can come with its own set of issues. When you start mixing comfort with nudity, closeness and openness; and sometimes large amounts of alcohol, the result can sometimes get "tricky." I've talked candidly about my friendship with another couple in my "previous life"; and how a mixture of "carousing, alcohol and compliments" turned into "full contact" displays of physical affection directed towards my then-wife, where some "boundaries" were crossed. It wasn't malicious; it was just thoughtless. I managed to "redirect" the situation; and luckily it had no real adverse consequences to our friendship. But that's not always the case.
People have lost friends due to "improper behavior." Myself, I lost a nudist friend when he admitted that he found our naked interactions arousing. Guys have commented on other wives' anatomy; revealing their "prurient thoughts" about it. In some cases there's been cheating involved. It can get really complicated.
One thing that I enjoy about our friends is that we also see each other outside of the "nudist realm." We don't have to be naked to enjoy each other's company. Perhaps that is the "litmus test" in determining whether nudist friends are "true friends."
Thoughts?
It's important for us to have friends but we both don't need a lot of them, textile or nudist. Our two circles of close friends are comprised of 3 other couples each. We've known the textile couples quite a bit longer than the nudist couples but, in all honesty, we're probably closer, more open and honest with the nudist couples than the textile couples. Say what you want about nudity amongst friends, but it has dropped more barriers and superficial conversation because we're nude together when we can be.
The downside for us is that our nudist friends live out of state and out of the country. Our close textile friends live within 30 - 45 mins from us, yet we see our nudist friends more often than our textile friends. Sometimes, I wonder if the textile friends are really friends, especially when we seem the only ones making the effort to meet up.
Of the three nudist couples we are friends with, WA, CO and Canada, the CO friends are probably the ones we are closest to. That closeness occurred when I made a comment to the female friend once, a long time ago. We had been invited to their winter home in AZ. It was to be a nude week of fun, catching up and just spending time together. Before they knew it, their kids had invited themselves and our nude get together was not to be. Our female friend was apologetic that we now had to wear clothes more often than she'd planned. I explained that we didn't get together with them just to be naked, we just enjoyed being together and sharing our lives with one another. That, for her and her husband, sealed the close friendship we have today.
In contrast, our WA male friend can get obnoxious, touchy/feely and inappropriate with a bit too much Scotch onboard. Though there has never been anything sexual between any of us, the 3 ladies, including Di, tend to steer clear of him when he's been drinking too much. He can get upset with me because I don't cross those boundaries and the other 3 ladies, his wife included, will be more friendly, close and attentive to me because they feel safe around me.
Di's a really private person. She can be perceived as unfriendly. She is not once she gets to know you. For a friend, I have never met anyone as loyal as Di, even to a fault. She can continue to see the good in "friends" when they don't act like friends. I think for Di, nudist female friends offer a good balance of friendship because the nudist friends are also textiles at times. The textiles, as far as we can tell, are not remotely interested in nudity unless to bath or have sex.
Most nudists we've met locally, Di is turned off by them quite quickly. They tend to be a bit too pushy. Di wants to make the move, hand out the invitation to meet again, visit our home, visit other nude places together. If a couple begins making plans for nude get togethers too soon, Di shuts down. The nudists we've met here locally move a bit too fast for Di. She like to meet up at the club or beach several times before we make any home visit plans. She also wants to spend time clothed with them at lunches, dinners and visiting other places besides nude places. Nudity can't be the only thing that brings us together.
We think it is important to have nudist friends. Some we are closer to than others. Some we socialize with outside of nudist settings and others we only see at clubs or parties. I seem to make friends easier than my wife, but long-term friendships are more important to her.
I prefer friends over acquaintances; it's usually more fun and interesting. When you two people know one another, there's much more to discuss. Whereas someone brand new is all about who you are and who they are. I have had long-time friends who have no interest in this, and while I respect and understand it, I still feel like it's who I am and what feels right for me. So having friends is just part of making that more normal.
I regret the connections I lost when I took a break a few years ago. But I am making more effort now than I did back then.
I have a few nudist friends. I have a lot more textile friends. The nudist friends are so much more open. We have a group of 8 of us total that gets together a few times a year for parties. Always a great time when you can party naked.
I have no nudist friends. None. Zero. That's really the reason I joined TN. I'm hoping to find some here.
My wife has no issue with me being nude, but she isn't comfortable being nude herself. While I spend most of my time at home nude, she rarely does. I won't say never, but she is rarely nude outside of the bedroom. She has skinny dipped at a neighbor's pool when they were out of town and we were picking up the mail and keeping an eye on the place, but that's the only time I can remember her being nude outside of the house or a hotel room, or something else private like that.
I on thr other hand, have always felt very natural and comfortable being nude and would never wear clothes if I didn't have to. I have visited landed clubs in four states, a nude beach in Romania, and several saunas in Germany, but always alone.
Many, many times I have wished that I had a friend who would go with me. I've always been welcomed, but I can't help but feel like a fifth wheel. And while nobody has ever said anything to me, I HAVE felt like the single male stigma is a very real thing. So I find myself here hoping to find a woman or a couple that I could visit a (sort of) local club with. Or just some nudist friends to talk with. I love being nude and I would love to share that with other like minded people. But alas, I don't know even one. I have broached the subject with a few close friends, but haven't found any takers. Like my wife, they haven't condemned me or responded like I was some kind of weirdo or pervert, but neither did any of them have the slightest inclination to try it.
So how important are nudist friends? I would love to find out, but right now it's just a dream.
You're lucky to have the opportunity to go to nudist resorts at all and to be deemed a "safe" male with your wife. That hasn't been my case as a single dad.
I consider myself fortunate to have made several good friends on TN, some of which I've met in person several times. From my perspective, nudity affirms authenticity, and with it vulnerability. Facing our vulnerability as individuals empowers us to be courageous. In the meantime, there's often a natural awkwardness and posturing. Nor can I discount that I am sexual, even when I'm not wearing the clothes which more clearly define my masculinity with cultural cues than nudity does.
If a nudist friend told me they found our encounters arousing, I would affirm their honesty and integrity. I see a huge problem in the US that nudists/naturists consider nakedness sexual and focus on the extremes of genitally-focused play or emasculated "non-sexual nudism." I believe in setting boundaries and acting in respectful and appropriate ways, affirming that sexual energy is a gift, not a burden.
My TN friends are sexually affirming with no particular orientation. Perhaps the difference is that they all tend to be men (unfortunately no women) who are more spiritually grounded. They naturally honor spirit and sexual energy are two sides of the same coin.
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