not even a word back, as an answer: how rude...
Ok, this is the story:
you write to a girl, already friend of yours, in your friendlist. you
are not pervert, not vulgar, nothing like this. You make simply a gentle
joke, or you say sth funny but in a friendly way. No answer. You
insist, opening yourself, being polite actually. Zero. You sent another
mail, asking politely if girl is interested in talking to you,
contacting with you finally or not.
Nothing: not even one word! She reads the mail, you see it, but.. not
even one word as answer! Sth like "no thanks, i have no time for this",
or "i'll do when i want, don't push me".. Something! But no:
not-even-one-simpe-bloody-word...
And then most of women keep talking about.. perverts and rude guys..!
Who is really rude??? I wonder... But at least my grandma used to tell
me that this behavior above shows total lack of good manners...
Generally women do not like to be confrontational. They prefer not to make a direct statements choosing to send hints instead. I believe that she may have answered your note. I believe that her answermay beDROP DEAD! At least until she changes her mind. Please don't drop dead. Drop her instead. Once you're out of her life she may choose to come back into yours. Until then, move on with your life. Remember, you were looking for a girl when she came into your life and you'll still be looking when she's out of your life. So nothing has changed with this brief interlude. Only a few new memories and additional life experiences.
Yes, I too think it's rude to not respond to peoples messages. I was accepted as a friend by someone, then dropped despite the fact that I had not said or done ANYTHING wrong. Not even made a "bad" joke! After a message or two asking what I'd done wrong and appoligizing I never received a single response back, so okay, I get the hint. I still would have prefered to get a simple rejection message or clue as to why I was dropped. Even with the annoying security code it doesn't take that long to send a quick note.
I would like to say that some of us get sooo many messages that we cannot answer even 1/2 of them.
I always READ them , however.
I visit this site between work and other online things, I also have an exteremely slow internet connection.
By the time i do the security code and everything to answer a message, 5 or more minutes may have elapsed and thats all the time i have at that moment. When I get back to the messages next time, 22 others have covered it up and I try to answer one or two of THOSE and the earlier ones are lost in the pile.
With us, you just have to be lucky to get a reply. No offence to anyone.
Ok, this is the story:you write to a girl, already friend of yours, in your friendlist. you are not pervert, not vulgar, nothing like this. You make simply a gentle joke, or you say sth funny but in a friendly way. No answer. You insist, opening yourself, being polite actually. Zero. You sent another mail, asking politely if girl is interested in talking to you, contacting with you finally or not.Nothing: not even one word! She reads the mail, you see it, but.. not even one word as answer! Sth like "no thanks, i have no time for this", or "i'll do when i want, don't push me".. Something! But no: not-even-one-simpe-bloody-word...And then most of women keep talking about.. perverts and rude guys..! Who is really rude??? I wonder... But at least my grandma used to tell me that this behavior above shows total lack of good manners...
Maybe if you had a profile that doesn't reflect sexuality, she might respond - agreeing with some previous posters.
And just to add, a lot of "women" on this site, aren't women.
I keep hearing that from a lot of people but I think the site is full of women. Just the other day I was contacted by 6 ladies, all of them 22 yrs old, all dancers and all of them interested in my "hot bod" as they put it. I mean really, how lucky is that to have stumbled onto so many women wanting me. And they are all really close to me, Bora Bora Arkansas. Its like they are almost to good to be true. Wait......wait a minute........oohhhhhhhh...........da*^it. I should have known.
It seems to be partly a male attribute, that females OWE you some sort of explanation if they are not interested. Do you know what they get if they give that? Either abuse or a reason why they are wrong. I wouldn't welcome either so I, like them, would just let it lie. Unless you really had some sort of e-relationship going (and "friends" on TN does NOT qualify) then she owed nothing and you lost nothing. Move on.
As men, we are pretty much "hard wired" to look for the logic.
No response at all is, to us, illogical, and therefore meaningless. Rude.
After many questions to many women about this, I have concluded that it's not intentionally rude,or illogical.
In the mind of a women, hard wired for the abstract, no response at all is a very clear message ! You HAVE been sent an undeniable and exceedingly clear message. That's not rude !
True, you have not even a single clue that you have a message, or what it might mean. It may as well have been spelled out in ancient sanscrit, or hyroglyphs ( and then erased ) for all we understand.
They honestly do not "get" that we have no concept, so no understanding whatever. Moreso, they also don't "get" that because we have no concept of this abstract notion that nothing clearly means something definite, they are as confused as we are that WE don't "get" it !!
On top of that, most of us don't get it that THEY don't get it, and we have a perpetual loop of misunderstanding.
Misunderstanding is not rude. It's misunderstanding.
Because they can't get our misunderstanding, they see no need, rhyme, or reason to explein what ( to them ) has already been explained as clearly as they are capable. They have no concept that we not only see no message at all, but that we don't understand this message that isn't there.
Because we not only don't understand, but are incapable of comprehending that nothing at all means something clear and specific, frustration results on both sides.
After a while, in a long-ish relationship, we begin ( but only begin ) to recognize in our partner that there's something wrong with communication. Most of the time, we dismiss it as just the way he ( or she ) is, for some unexplained reason that we'll never really understand.
That's when affection and tolerance steps in, and sometimes couples get past it.
Some really, REALLY lucky couples eventually begin to understand, and have full and wonderful relationships as a result.
Those of us single are doomed to struggle with it every time.
The one woman who posted hinted that she DID understand what no response to her means. It doesn't, because of the above, no response from a man means something entirely different, and pretty much *is* rude. ( or at best negligent )
We must learn tolerance. Once we do, it gets easier, although none of those single women ( or men ) who have not this enlightenment can understand, and will continue in this frustrating confusion on both sides, otherwise known as the battle of the sexes since time immemorial.
Once you gain some sort of understanding, you'll have more potential partners clammoring for your attention than you know what to do with.
It really doesn't take much. Even the slightest concept of non-communication being communication, clear and concise, and life gets so much easier. As a result, I have more women friends, good ones, than I have time for, and that *is* rude on my part.
It took me well over 50 years. Pray that you come to know much sooner.
Curt if you send a lady a message and she wants you as a friend she will know. Surely ifF the messsage is shown as having been read and you get no response either the button push or a message that tells you all you need to know. From what Mieke says I can fully understand why some folks do not enter into discussion about it. You have to remember that in real life we take our cues from visual and verbal signals most of the time, which are absent on the internet. After some of the horror stories I have heard I can fully understand why folks are cautious. Also: in real life do you expect every person you meet to love you? That just does not happen.
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