True platonic friendship
I think we all know how hard it is to find someone that is a truly platonic friend in nudism especially for queer men. It seems like two people who are neither attracted sexually to each other often do not find chemistry as friends either, which is interesting and a bit sad. I remember when I first started nudism, I had a best male friend who did not want to try it with me, and although I think both of us thought the other was objectively attractive, we did not want to have sex with each other, and I'm pretty certain that had he tried nudism with me, it would have still remained the same way. I guess that's because we had already established this dynamic prior to nudism. When you meet guys in a naked setting, there seems always to be the question of what direction it will take.
I'd like to hear from anyone who has had success in maintaining a genuine platonic friendship with someone that you are naked with. What do you think prevents you from crossing the sexual boundary over the long term?
I feel like I crave the intimacy of being nude with someone in such a way that a sexual aspect ruins it. I don't know exactly why it should ruin it, but something about it seems like it would be much more special if a genuine platonic connection could be maintained.
Without having studied classic philosophy, I can only share this as an impression: that Platonic love is more about Puritans than Plato. From my understanding, Plato's goal was to rise through levels of closeness to wisdom and true beauty, from carnal attraction to individual bodies to attraction to souls, and eventually, union with the truth. He wasn't about denying the body pleasure, or sexuality from the identity. Nor did he come up with "Platonic love."
Perhaps it's a matter of setting comfortable boundaries with friends. When does a backrub cross the line from relaxing to pleasurable to erotic? When does pleasure become sexual? If I get aroused sunbathing naked in the sun, am I solarsexual? Are genitals sexual but odd erogenous zones not? I think the concept of re-spect, looking at something twice, is important among friends. Nudity makes relationships more open, and if you are practicing respectful communication and consent, I think you can allow yourself to be more in a flow than considering rules which were likely written for someone else. Good luck!
You bring up some interesting points in all of this conversation. There is one word that was used that can make a good nude relationship turn great and that is RESPECT. Its not a one way street. All of the parties have to respect each other. Relationships can change over time. Because someone is not interested in a sexual relationship at this particular time does not mean that is forever. If it happens let it happen.
So much time is given to trying to define (straight, bi gay, etc.) who we are. All of the tags that we self impose on ourselves really limit what we do and what we are capable of being. So what if a straight guy and a gay guy are good friends and have a nude relationship. As long as they respect each other and have a sense of humor let it be enjoyable. I have a nude bud that I have known for over 35 years that is gay. We have seen each other at our best and our worst. We have always respected each other and trusted each others decisions, but never has it turned sexual. Yes we joke about sexual situations but it has never gone any further. Being straight is not contagious anymore so than being gay is. Why cant we stop with the labels and just be nude guys that enjoy being around other nude guys.
I guess the best wisdom I offered was that for Males anyway, pleasure knows NO Orientation. FACT!!!!! ALL MALES enjoy all animal pleasures. Males LOVE physical pleasure ALL their lives and if you keep it in that arena of thot and knowledge, well you have a bench mark to build on. Stand your ground on your relationship boundaries and you'll be fine.
The genius of Steph - thank you!
I think we all know how hard it is to find someone that is a truly platonic friend in nudism especially for queer men. It seems like two people who are neither attracted sexually to each other often do not find chemistry as friends either, which is interesting and a bit sad. I remember when I first started nudism, I had a best male friend who did not want to try it with me, and although I think both of us thought the other was objectively attractive, we did not want to have sex with each other, and I'm pretty certain that had he tried nudism with me, it would have still remained the same way. I guess that's because we had already established this dynamic prior to nudism. When you meet guys in a naked setting, there seems always to be the question of what direction it will take.I'd like to hear from anyone who has had success in maintaining a genuine platonic friendship with someone that you are naked with. What do you think prevents you from crossing the sexual boundary over the long term?I feel like I crave the intimacy of being nude with someone in such a way that a sexual aspect ruins it. I don't know exactly why it should ruin it, but something about it seems like it would be much more special if a genuine platonic connection could be maintained.
Platonic friends, specially when it involves gay men, even if you don't want to have sex with each other, the dynamic is always there in one way or another.
I have met quite a few people off here, one thing that really does piss me off is when you are talking with the other person and the state clearly that they want nothing sexual from either of us, make such a big deal about it verbally, I tell them that it's not a problem, I can control my libido, I even say that there might be some precum leakage, not that it means I am being sexual in any way, yet when it comes to that first time meeting and the clothes come off, I have always seen the other person becoming erect, even thought they categorically stated that is not what they wanted.
Point being, when they are finding it difficult to control their libido, I have no problem with mine, it's then seen as something more than it needs to be, as though I am being or seeing them as unattractive etc, don't get me wrong it's lovely to see a burgeoning or full erection, but when it's been talked to death for weeks before meeting and they are the first ones to sprout the erection, that just makes all that bullshit they came out with a complete lie.
If they know they are going to become erect, then I would rather have the complete honesty of being told that might be the case and not made to look like I am some cold fish ! It often makes me wonder if I should have made some move or joke about it to see just what it really is that they want.
One thing I am not is a fool, I can smell sexual tension in the air or the pheromones a person gives off when they want more, but are too shit feared to be honest about and say that if they get a boner, they want it played with, even when a nudist situation is NOT the reason for it to happen in the first place. We were to meet as nudists and enjoy out chat, cuppa etc while both nude, whether erections had popped up or not, it doesn't really matter.
It actually spoils the planned meting of 2 nudists that want to make friends who are into the same thing, being naked together and enjoying that special time. It ruins that chance of the friendship being just platonic, as it should be. I am not averse to being sexual with someone, even in a nudist setting and it's only one way and not reciprocated. I want that person to be honest with me and not lead me on thinking they are going to be something they are not, a friend who likes to be nude with others, when all along they knew they were going to get erect and were hoping for something to happen, even when they try and make it look like it has just happened, but was as deliberate as all hell !!
I think we all know how hard it is to find someone that is a truly platonic friend in nudism especially for queer men. It seems like two people who are neither attracted sexually to each other often do not find chemistry as friends either, which is interesting and a bit sad. I remember when I first started nudism, I had a best male friend who did not want to try it with me, and although I think both of us thought the other was objectively attractive, we did not want to have sex with each other, and I'm pretty certain that had he tried nudism with me, it would have still remained the same way. I guess that's because we had already established this dynamic prior to nudism. When you meet guys in a naked setting, there seems always to be the question of what direction it will take.I'd like to hear from anyone who has had success in maintaining a genuine platonic friendship with someone that you are naked with. What do you think prevents you from crossing the sexual boundary over the long term?I feel like I crave the intimacy of being nude with someone in such a way that a sexual aspect ruins it. I don't know exactly why it should ruin it, but something about it seems like it would be much more special if a genuine platonic connection could be maintained.
One easy way to define what you are asking is this way.
As a qualified Massage Therapist, I have undertaken massages naked with various people, because we are not bothered at the sight of seeing each other naked. There are those you know you can be completely naked with, some where you are in just your shorts or underwear, and some you make sure you have your shorts and a vest on, you get to know your clients even only after one massage session, by listening to what is said and que's from questions or wording that is said and body language.
Most guys are quite happy to be lay on a massage table completely uncovered as it saves on messing about moving a towel etc.
Now whether anyone reading this believes me or not, I am not bothered what they say or think. I always explain to any male that I massage that if they feel they are becoming erect, to just let it happen because trying to fight it actually makes the problem worse !
This is where the platonic part of the relationship comes into play with a masseur and the client. If you have known the person for some time, there is already a platonic friendship in play, massage is taking that friendship and it's platonic element to a slightly different level, you can maintain your whole demeanour as the Therapist and concentrate on the job at hand.
If once you have asked the client to lie on their back and they are showing a full on erection, simply don't mention it or make any comments about it, you both know it's there, it does not create an actual challenge, it only becomes a point of talk when you need to move said erection out of the way to continue the flow of the massage, all dependant on how erect that person may have become, there maybe a couple of times you have to hold it upright with the palm of your hand to continue the massage, I simply state that I am about to move the penis, do so and replace it back to the position it was in.
Now, here comes the part that some won't believe, I as a gay man will not take things further with that person (in a sexual manner), even though there will be/maybe an erect penis in my line of sight and the temptation will be there, I'm not going to lie about that. This is where the platonic relationship is enforced between you and that gentleman that has received an intimate massage (The intimacy being that their whole body has been touched by your hands, which is a sensual thing, but not a sexual thing, unless that is deliberately what was asked for). That part in brackets is differentiating the point between giving a professional massage to giving a sexual massage. This shows how the dynamic of giving a massage, whether to a gay man or a straight man, how you can maintain the boundary of a platonic relationship with that person, even if you have known them for years or have only just met.
Many guys will just lay there and let their erection subside before getting up to dry the oil off and get dressed.
Ive met so many guys at nudist places that were there with their female spouse. Ive struck up really great friendships. We could watch football, have a beer, go golfing and fishing, all completely platonic. Sometimes I told them my wife was back home, but often that never came up. It was just very natural.
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