"Coming out" is just an exercise in frustration
So my wife and her sister - who haven't been very close for years - have been hanging out more frequently - as my SIL is going through a painful divorce. Last weekend they spent the day together; and during brunch, my SIL asked her sister where she'd been the prior weekend. My wife's "go to" response to such inquiries is "the lake." Most people would leave it at that, but my SIL pried further (which lake, were on that lake, what did you do there, etc...) Having no clear response, my wife decided to just "come clean"; and tell her it was a lake at a nudist resort.
{Shocked expression of disbelief}
My SIL then asked for some clarification; and my wife gave her a succinct description of the resort as everyone there being naked, and the lake being the main draw for her as well as our friends there.
And that's when my SIL asked THE question:
"Are you guys swingers?!"
My eyes rolled in the back of my head. My SIL is an educated, intelligent, very progressive woman. And she still had no concept of non-sexual nudity.
My wife is still pretty vocal about our nudist life...to people she can fairly assess would "get it." Personally, I'm burnt out on the whole "coming out thing." I find it too frustrating. I would rather just nudists know I'm a nudist. I get that I'm not doing "my part in promoting nudism" to the world, but I've found that doing such promotion will fall into deaf ears 90% of the time.
Anyway, it's just a thought...
Its interesting the bias that enters the conversation when its a female 'coming out as a nudist' or a couple, rather than a solo male.
For a solo male the bias always swings to be some kind of pervert or alternatively you haven't they found your place in the LGBTQIA community. So many non-nudists are confronted and confused by males who simply enjoy being in their own skin.
Its for this reason alone (confronting and confusing) that I simply no longer tell people who are non-nudists!
Being social nudists for over 30 years, we've visited countless clubs, resorts and nude/clothing optional beaches in the US and in other countries. Many instances, my wife has been approached by a single guy that got too close for comfort and made her feel uneasy. Each time, it seemed this single male waited until I'd gotten up and gone to the head, gone back to our room or RV for something and felt he could then make his move.
This isn't something that EVERY single guy will do but when a nudist woman has this happen more than a few times, she's leery, guarded and suspicious of single guys. It's just human nature to be careful and cautious. The people single guys should be pissed at are not the nudist woman or couple but the single guys that have made it difficult to trust everyone just because they say they are a real nudist.
The culture of harassment and discrimination you describe against both men and women at nudist resorts shows that these venues are toxic environments where only heterosexuals couples are safe when they are physically together. Who really wants that? Outside of a small (and likely aging) core group, how can such resorts be relaxing or worth visiting? If the core nudist members hate you, and textiles associate you with promiscuity, there's certainly no reason to identify as nudist. Do you want to be a martyr for genitalia and pay for getting the status of social kryptonite?
People deserve respect and compassion, especially in a business built on paying customers. I recently found a clothing optional resort that's geared towards LGBTQ+ and it was the first time I felt welcomed as a straight dad when I called about visiting to camp with another single male friend this upcoming weekend. I look forward to our visit. For me it's not an issue of "coming out" but rather going back to my natural state as I was born and am most comfortable in.
So my wife and her sister - who haven't been very close for years - have been hanging out more frequently - as my SIL is going through a painful divorce. Last weekend they spent the day together; and during brunch, my SIL asked her sister where she'd been the prior weekend. My wife's "go to" response to such inquiries is "the lake." Most people would leave it at that, but my SIL pried further (which lake, were on that lake, what did you do there, etc...) Having no clear response, my wife decided to just "come clean"; and tell her it was a lake at a nudist resort.{Shocked expression of disbelief}My SIL then asked for some clarification; and my wife gave her a succinct description of the resort as everyone there being naked, and the lake being the main draw for her as well as our friends there.And that's when my SIL asked THE question:"Are you guys swingers?!"My eyes rolled in the back of my head. My SIL is an educated, intelligent, very progressive woman. And she still had no concept of non-sexual nudity.My wife is still pretty vocal about our nudist life...to people she can fairly assess would "get it." Personally, I'm burnt out on the whole "coming out thing." I find it too frustrating. I would rather just nudists know I'm a nudist. I get that I'm not doing "my part in promoting nudism" to the world, but I've found that doing such promotion will fall into deaf ears 90% of the time.Anyway, it's just a thought...
I would have asked if she was, and that clearly, the research for what happens at the club is effectively 5 to 10 minutes on the newfangled interenet and there she can also learn the distinction between naturism nudism and swinging using another incredible new thing, the Google and why being naked socially isnt the same as having sex with strangers, and then why that question is inappropriate presumptive and stigmatizing...and finally... but since we dont ask you about your private sex life perhaps its best to return that cordiality?
She wasn't being naive or making a mistake, it was a vulgar inappropriate question and I assume she's been nude at least once without having it devolve into an orgy so, aware. I like to underline that there is no assumption that is accurate in any social practice regarding the mores and behaviou of the group and when in doubt consult literature and websites and dont ask personal questions that would not be acceptable otherwise.
I dont care anymore what other people think about my nude activities. Ive been coming out since I was 18 years old as gay and for the last 25 years as someone who likes to get naked and Im not tired of coming out but Im tired of worrying what anyone else may think. Let them make up stories I dont care. If theyre truly engaged they can ask questions which Im glad to answer. If theyre shocked into mental paralysis they can go someplace else.
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