How much of an exhibitionist are you?
Humans are the only animals in the world who conceive in privacy. In other words, they hide to, you know, have sex.
This may conceivably have had some evolutionary advantages. During the sexual promiscuity phase of our evolution, the males of our species would have preferred some intimacy to avoid being interrupted (and possibly replaced) by other males. During the polygynous phase, both males and females may have preferred to not signal to other roaming males that there is a harem and women in oestrus around to be taken for the price of killing the owner. Then, in all phases, including the third, nominally monogamous one, the sexual act usually makes both males and females less careful about potential predators around, so hiding would have been a decent option.
But why don't chimps, who are promiscuous, hide? Neither do gorillas, who are polygynous, nor do gibbons, who are monogamous. Maybe this is because we, women, were creative enough to start hiding our oestrus and be sexually available all the time. We developed strong orgasms, which make us quite loud and make males want to continue the business far longer than the seconds necessary to impregnate us (ok, there are other reasons for this too, but this is beyond the point).
Then, of course there is culture. Also based on evolutionary needs of males in the nominally monogamous phase. They wanted to control our 24/7 sexuality and make us cover and be modest to avoid being impregnated behind the back of our partner, who would then unknowingly spend his time and energy to raise a child who does not have his DNA. Then religion after religion and (male) philosopher after (male) philosopher dictated that women should cover themselves and be modest. So sex means a naked woman (horror!) enjoying herself (double horror!) in a sinful act (triple horror!). The whole idea of sex as a sin is a concept meant to control women's sexuality.
And the worst of all is if children can see us in the act. Children are innocent and being exposed to the worst of sins (horrible, horrible sex) will not only spoil them but also leave them with some kinds of Freudian scars (you probably know what I believe of these old sexually frustrated non scientific ideologists). Of course, this does not happen to cubs of other species or to children in non-monogamous civilisations like the old Polynesian one, where looking at adults having sex is more of an educational act than anything else. Today many children have seen porn before they have read a full paragraph in a paper book and it's a pity not so much because they have seen how they were conceived but because porn is to sex what a Hollywood film is to real life.
But fine. Let's get more personal. Like most if not all women, I used to hide to enjoy sex. Ok, there were a couple of exceptions - I once wanted to write about what happened in Cap d'Agde but I was advised by members not to.
Shedding my clothes in front of everyone was the first step. I was extremely shy for a while but eventually got over it and now I am quite comfortable being nude. Then I started to pose nude for D. Then I showed many of those pics here, face hidden. Then I started to take pics of other ladies and I guess this got me out of some inhibitions too. I used to find that open leg pics lack class and are too intimate to show but then I realised that I was asking my models to open them wide more and more often. Then I accepted to open them myself, and not only for D but for two other male photographers as well, a German semi-pro met on the internet and T, my partner in photography. Several of my girlfriends simulated sex acts for the camera, I did it too. With many of them but also with a guy who was not D. Showing those here is part of the process of getting out of the 4S ("sex is sin, sex is shameful") paradigm.
And now, I realised that my pics and videos of actual sex are so nice to look at. I still look good on camera and those pics are nice. Thing is, when you are both actor and photographer/videographer there are only so many things you can do. In fact you can only take decent pics in one position. You know which one. The rest will be body parts, blurred or with ultra-wide angle and ugly. And then, 20 years from now, I will regret not having exposed myself more to the camera at that time in my life when I was still hot. Just like I regret today that I did not show my body to the camera when I was 20. Or 16. When I look at my pics from when I was 16 I am surprised how good looking I was. Believe it or not, I was a stunner. Tall, very slim (I was complexed how slim I was, but today that kind of body rules)... Even those big boobs I hated so much were incredibly hot on that slim body. Too bad all those pics are clothed.
So here is the thing. T offered to take pics and videos of our love making. Meaning, I and D having sex under his lens. In exchange, I need to pay him in nature. No, not by offering him really sexual stuff, but by posing for him naked and letting him post some of the pics on his online porfolio. Not a big thing, I already did it twice ajd I could still choose which pics to post and which not. But the idea of having another man looking through a lens to us in our (my) most intimate moments is still a bit iffy for me. He would be quite intrusive, he needs to be if he wants to capture good images, maybe he would even need to give us directions... I don't know.
So guys, three questions:
1. Why do you think sex in public is such a moral transgression?
2. Can you imagine situations where you would accept to make love in front of other people? Did you do it already?
3. Should I accept T and his camera in our bed?
Great to see you posting challenging questions again Flora...
1. Why do you think sex in public is such a moral transgression?
I am guessing a cultural misinterpretion of normality, what is considered by the many as immoral or indecent, it is really odd as without procreation we would cease to exist. Everyone knows its done but many deny to control what they believe is a moral high ground. And there is pleasure involved, which is clearly immoral...! One should never watch someone else enjoying themselves!
2. Can you imagine situations where you would accept to make love in front of other people? Did you do it already?
Well, that's an interesting question... i have been asked by a lady member of TN to participate in a private photography session with her and an amateur photographer, the photos would be including simulated sex acts... this may of course be fantasy, but I've seen photos of a prior session done with her partner and a self timer, she'd like to do the same with a real photographer... i am not going to reveal the ladies profile name... so don't ask! But we may need a photographer Flora! Know anyone???
3. Should I accept T and his camera in our bed?
As with my own proposal, it is all about what you're comfortable with and how far you want to push your comfort zone... we are not any of us Porn Stars (i don't think) so this wouldn't be easy, but would still be a fun thing to do... but should I... and should you? I think you could and should... I'm still thinking on it.
Richie, always in one dilemma or another!
In my experience the term "simulated sex" is not only a slippery slope but also, more importantly, it covers a vast array of meanings and usually guys and girls have a different understanding...
That being said, I did shoot both simulated sex (quite a number of times) and real sex for a couple of girlfriends and the latter is well... an interesting experience. In any case, I was able to get some nice pics out of that. That being said, it is an intrusive thing and both I and D would prefer a lady photographer. But you know... You don't choose your gyno by gender why would you choose your photographer.
I'm not that much of an exhibitionist! I've never been caught to my knowledge on the few occasions it could possibly have become an issue, but I'd like to think I'd just carry on with feigned ignorance or feigned shock at being caught if the observation was unavoidably apparent.
It kind-of parallels simply being 'caught' nude in an unofficial place. If I am unsure of discomfort on the part of the other party and I can cover up or otherwise avoid a direct encounter I will, but if I know it's too late, I'll just proceed as I am.
I can't see any point at which a camera shall be present but can see how it may affect the moment when it's not a spontaneous case of we're enjoying our time anyway, what if we record a little while we're at it?
In my experience the term "simulated sex" is not only a slippery slope but also, more importantly, it covers a vast array of meanings and usually guys and girls have a different understanding...That being said, I did shoot both simulated sex (quite a number of times) and real sex for a couple of girlfriends and the latter is well... an interesting experience. In any case, I was able to get some nice pics out of that. That being said, it is an intrusive thing and both I and D would prefer a lady photographer. But you know... You don't choose your gyno by gender why would you choose your photographer.
The offer was to be photographed in various sexual positions, including penetration and finally taking time over real sex at the end of the shoot... i don't think I'm misinterpreting much... maybe i explained it wrong and it isn't actually simulated sex at the start...
I'd be happy with a lady photographer, she would prefer a male... when asked, the male photographer could be naked too but not joining in... sounds too good to be true? Maybe...
I'll keep you posted
Richie
I know of course who the lady might be. So the offer is sex with some pics at the preliminaries... As said, definition of simulation varies widely. For most ladies it's "as long as there is no touch" (OK, some light touch may happen either by design to make the pic credible or by accident) while for men its more "as long as there is no pumping and no ejaculation" (but you know, those may happen as well).
I know of course who the lady might be. So the offer is sex with some pics at the preliminaries... As said, definition of simulation varies widely. For most ladies it's "as long as there is no touch" (OK, some light touch may happen either by design to make credible or by accident) while for men its more "as long as there is no pumping and no ejaculation" (but you know, those may happen as well).
I'm intrigued you might know the identity of the lady in question, would you then know the veracity of the offer? Might this be real?
Steve, it's not so much about being caught. I was asking more about sex in public in a setting where this is acceptable. Clearly, if you invite a photographer there is some exhibitionism involved but no possibility of offending, shocking or disturbing (ok, unless you do very special things but let's take those off the table). The same is true in some parts of Cap d'Agde. If you go in the basement of clubs, or on the beach in the Bay of Pigs or in the mid-day foam party at Glamour and you get offended because you see a sexual act you are not the brightest person around.
Richie, I'm not here to vouch for anything and anyone, not even myself and my stories (as said multiple times, I do embellish them often, I'm here for the entertainment, not to look into the soul of other members and strip my own souls to them). But if this is who I think it is, I would believe that there are good chances for the offer to be real.
Richie, I'm not here to vouch for anything and anyone, not even myself and my stories (as said multiple times, I do embellish them often, I'm here for the entertainment, not to look into the soul of other members and strip my own souls to them). But if this is who I think it is, I would believe that there are good chances for the offer to be real.
Thanks Flora. I hope it's the same person!
My thought is that different individuals have a range of what is acceptable. Nothing terribly new there. Additionally, some folks are just naturally flirtatious while others could be anything but. Therein lies the difference in behaviors and attitudes toward the topic.
1. Sex in public? My own thoughts are that sex is a personal, private and very intimate thing within a relationship.
2. Would I engage in the above? That's an easy no.
3. Could there be a camera in the bedroom? Yes, but several would be used prepositioned. No visitors.
Those are my positions on the topic; I'm sure they could be adjusted just a little for specific circumstances, but the basic premise is fixed.