Confidence levels and lack there of from time to time

I grew up very ashamed and insecure with my body. I also grew up in a communal group of hippies which taught me the opposite of how I felt inside. Nudity was common among every one and every age so I grew up seeing how bodies were different and original. I however also noticed that I had the smallest penis in my age group and nowhere near the proportions the grown men had. I became very shy and started hiding my body and avoided public nudity or being seen naked at all cost! Which isnt easy on a commune!

We would go to the hot springs and I would be the only one wearing trunks, no more skinny dipping with others, just solo. Luckily everyone was accepting of my choices but sadly I wanted to be like every other guy and have a decent sized penis and be able to do whatever I wanted without any concern about my penis size. In reality I was in a safe space around safe people who would not have said anything I think but the shame for me was just too much.

Its also wasnt seeing porn and setting me up for unrealistic expectations of what normal is either. I saw the men in our commune, I saw that they varied in size but they ALL had at least adult proportions. Even the smaller guys had bigger heads and some girth and a visible shaft flaccid. Christ, even most of the boys younger than me were developing bigger than me. To get a good perspective of what Im talking about and was dealing with, I basically have the head of my penis nestled in a bush when flaccid, no visible shaft typically and my head is a grower so it appears very small soft. EVERY single man I saw naked was double or triple the size of mine if not more. And no, Im not a grower in the sense that things are and better when arroused.

With all this I stayed hidden for many years and it wasnt until my 40s that I became interested in social nudism/naturism and wanted to have company while nude. Actually that would s not accurate, I desperately wanted to join in the fight n I f social nudism but was crippled by fear and self loathing. With age came wisdom and basically just not giving a fuck anymore of what others may or may not think of me . I also very much admired from afar the smaller guys who had the confidence to be seen nude and not care. They became role models to me and I admire them greatly and still do! Though rarely did I see men as small as me, I always seem to win that title of being the smallest. I got through it and the little voices in my head concerned about my size got quieter and quieter but never went completely silent.

These days I am mostly that confident unhung nudist enjoying whatever it is that I want to do nude. But every once in awhile that voice comes back and I get in my head and worry about the size of my other head. Confidence goes out the window, self loathing sets in. Begin asking myself why me? The majority all these other guys come out the other side of puberty with an adult sized penis all varying in size yes, but even the smaller ones are way bigger appearing than mine flaccid. Does it matter? No! Does it still fuck with my mind and body image? 1000%. I hate those times and wish they never happened, but they do.

Its usually when Im in a larger group of men, nudists or not, gym locker room or communal showers, K Spa and see nothing but a sea of large ACTUAL hanging and swinging dicks that I become ultra self aware and even jealous. Its those times that I sit down and become more of a private nudist again and work on rebuilding my confidence and self love.

Ive tried for years to meet local unhung nudists to hang out with to avoid seeing drastic size differences and to just be comfortable naked with another guy who gets it. But the majority of those guys are men who think they are small but they are perfectly average, Hell I trade dicks with them in a heartbeat most of the time. Still looking for that small unhung nudist friend so if you relate to any of this and live in the Pacific Northwest feel free to send me a DM. Id love to meet you!

So thats it in a nutshell , I love getting naked and exploring the world and really do love being that seen unhung nudists for other potential small guys ashamed of their body to see that its okay to be small and naked around others. Nothing to be ashamed of!!! But I also dont want to be a fraud and say it still doesnt bother me at times. And gawd I wish it didnt. My confidence just seems to be a a wavelength of ups and downs.

This site and a few others have been very therapeutic for me in regards to this topic and I appreciate groups such as this to help me and help others so very much! Even if its just to get it out and off my chest and put my feelings into words and try to process it.

Now off to the pool to swim laps wishing I could swim naked there and also fill out my speedo!

Thank you !

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