The new moral dilemma

The good old time when I was composing moral dilemmas for you and some of you seemed to enjoy them... Well, at least a couple of you, and one said so recently (Neil). Many more likely pretended to enjoy them, I suspect they still preferred to see my nude pics. Although as most of you are exhibitionists rather than voyeurs, who knows.

Two warnings first: this dilemma includes a sexual act so if you think that nudists multiply through parthenogenesis - or that this is what we should tell to textiles to convince them to drop their kit, please stop reading right here. Second, it's hypothetical. I'll put it in the past tense but I'm not saying that this has actually happened. It might have, it might have not, this is not important for the dilemma itself.

So remember that last year I was wondering whether I should offer to D as a present for his birthday one of my girlfriends? Well, I finally did it. Or rather let's say that I did it. It was not difficult, the friend, let's call her V, liked D, she was alone at the time and she is quite sexual. They had posed for erotica together and clearly enjoyed it, he was very hard very fast and she was visibly wet (she does get wet very fast and very visibly, which was the main hindrance for her nudism and posing). I didn't care about D, I knew he would love to have her, she is almost ten years younger than me, a slim, petite brunette, the opposite of me. And guys like diversity. And her answer was a resounding yes so we prepared the scenario together.

On his birthday I took him out for dinner wearing a very sexy dress and when we got back home V was waiting for us with a bottle of champagne, wearing only heels, perfume and a huge red ribbon around her waist. I had bought the thing myself on Temu and had made it fit on her waist together.

I left and went to the corner bar and had a couple of cocktails. I am sure D would have liked me to stay and have three-way sex and I believe that V was ready for it but I was not prepared for this. I was afraid that I would get very jealous seeing him penetrating V and then having sex with your best friend is never a good idea. We had played and teased together, we like each other and had posed for very daring erotica together and she once even brought me to orgasm by gentle touches for the camera (I orgasm very easily) but that was just that, a game of photo taking. I actually posted on TS a couple of pics of us together. And honestly it's a lot easier to ask an old and very good friend "would you sleep with my hubby?" than "oh, can I use the opportunity to fuck you too?".

So I left and I spent more than an hour in that bar and as I was wearing that stupidly short and low-cut dress which made no secret of the fact that I was wearing nothing underneath I got hit on a lot. I felt a bit jealous, a bit envious, a bit regretful and I was tempted to go with one of the guys to the first cheap hotel, and do with him everything that D was doing at that very moment with V. Just as a sort of revenge. But I didn't do it. Or maybe I did it but this not essential for this dilemma. OK, why do would I hide it, you don't even know me, who cares if you judge me. I did it. The guy was nice and smiling, he had nice hands (I like men's hands, their eyes and hands are what turns me on, I imagine those hands all over my body under his severe look - yes, I am a bit submissive. So I took him by the hand and stopped at the corner store and bought a pack of condoms (he was clearly already erect and proud, everybody around knew why the sexy lady was buying condoms while holding his hand) then went to the first hotel, a small Holiday Inn, and paid for the room myself. We went up, didn't even look around (the room was a little bit sad), put his hand on my chest through the low-cut opening (that thing was going down almost to my navel) and let him take the lead and did everything he wanted me to. After about half an hour and a solid dozen of orgasms (I was lucky, he wasn't a fast ejaculator) I put my little black dress back on (I was still wearing my heels), arranged my hair, left him a fake phone number written with the hotel pen on his wrist and walked back home. I'm sure that until that moment he thought I was a working girl and would eventually ask for money.

Of course, I will not go to that bar again and if I ever meet him again I'll tell him he must have dreamt or takes me for somebody else.

When I got home V was fully dressed (if her tiny red dress, not a lot more covering than the black one I was wearing, counts for being dressed) while D was sipping champagne, still naked on the bed. The air in the bedroom was humid and smelled of sex, you know, that combination of woman perfume and sperm. I usually like that smell but this time I was a bit jealous. I was wondering whether they had done this, and this, and this... You know, all the most intimate things. Which I kind of had done with that unknown guy as well, but this is how I felt and couldn't help it.

But I got over it in a few days, no problem, it is just sex guys. I forgave his infidelity as well as mine (that is, assuming that I had actually had enough of biting my nails in that bar and eventually let a lucky bastard fuck my brains out to forget what was happening in my bedroom at the same time)... We had plaid silly sexy games and had posed for erotica with other partners before, so we just got a bit further to actual penetrations, big deal. I had used protection, I'm sure they hadn't but she is one of if not my best friend and I know everything about her... So much ado about those few inches of your most precious flesh being inside us for a few minutes... All good, all forgotten. And yes, I confessed my jealous betrayal to D and he said ok. Again, supposing this had actually happened.

Except that V now has a boyfriend and she has asked me to return the service and wear that silly red ribbon and all for his B-day.

I've known him, let's call him M, for a few months, we have seen each other naked a couple of times in spas (he is quite well endowed) and he is nice, educated and cute I guess but despite the fact that he clearly likes me I never thought of him in sexual terms simply because he will be 35 in a couple of weeks and I prefer older guys. Plus well, he is V's man.

So here is the dilemma. I have always been very scrupulous in paying back my debts and returning favours, I consider this a fundamental moral obligation but somehow emotionally I feel that returning a sexual favour is not really a moral obligation. Deep down in our limbic system sex is in a different moral category than friendship. I know where it comes from, evolutionary speaking, our ancient passing to hidden oestrus and nominal monogamy, different male-female winning sexual strategies, etc. etc. but I can't help feeling this way.

But this is just emotions. Logic says otherwise. Why would l risk losing a lifelong best friend just because I refuse to spend an hour intimately with a guy whom I broadly like? I did it out of jealousy with a perfect stranger and I would do it out of friendship? I'm sure it would actually be quite nice, I would enjoy it, I would have strong orgasms and so on. Do you think you guys are the only ones who think sex with a new partner is special? Oh no. We also have flurries of butterflies in our stomach when a guy undresses and touches us for the first time. It's just that we also like it very much when guys know our body better, we also like security and intellectual intimacy. It's a different kind of pleasure, more important than the explosive (but shallower) orgasms a new partner would give us.

I didn't ask D yet, but I am sure he would say that I should go for it and tell him the story afterwards. He is quite the candaulist, plus he would hope he would, excuse my French, get to fuck V again if I let M fuck me.

And indeed, why not. It is not that I am clinging to fidelity - I gave him V after all and I made a stranger very happy during that time - and if we are to become a menage a quatre so be it, sex is not the most important or taboo thing in the world. I'd rather have V as a friend with benefits that as no friend at all.

But I realise that it's not the idea of sex with M which makes me reluctant and cringe morally, it's the idea of being forced into his arms by a sort of friendly/moral blackmailing that makes me hesitant. It would have likely been easier for me to accept to open my legs for him if this had been a request for a favour, not for the return of a favour, if that makes any sense.

I could say yes but ask V to stay, it would be more reassuring, M would love it I'm sure and I know him less well than V knows D. Plus, I and V would finally have full sex between us, something I'm convinced that both of us have thought of quite a number of times and would very much enjoy.

But ok, I'll stop here this introspection and ask y'all my usual questions:

1. What should I do? Better lose a friend or sleep with someone I barely know?

2. What do you think I actually did while D was enjoying his B-day present: fought with my jealousy for two hours in that bar, imagining all the things D and V were doing, or accepted the offer of the first relatively nice guy and did those same things myself with him?

3. And finally, do you think this dilemma is based on a real life happening or just the fruit of my imagination?

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