This free wheeling, wild child, wife, needs advice!
I've been married almost 18 years to a very conservative Christian man who believes he is the only one that should be able to see me without clothing, with exception of my doctors. The last few years we have been separated for numerous reasons, one being that he doesn't enjoy or accept me fully. I love this man but He does not agree with the nudist lifestyle and I have done everything in my power to ease him of his fears including use scripture, openly discussing and letting him know I really would enjoy living this lifestyle together or at the very least just have him go with me to clothing optional places where he can leave his clothes on. He will not even contemplate the idea. I tried to play the good, submissive, wife for years but I NEED TO BE ME! Any encouraging input or advice is welcome.
I've been married almost 18 years to a very conservative Christian man who believes he is the only one that should be able to see me without clothing, with exception of my doctors. The last few years we have been separated for numerous reasons, one being that he doesn't enjoy or accept me fully. I love this man but He does not agree with the nudist lifestyle and I have done everything in my power to ease him of his fears including use scripture, openly discussing and letting him know I really would enjoy living this lifestyle together or at the very least just have him go with me to clothing optional places where he can leave his clothes on. He will not even contemplate the idea. I tried to play the good, submissive, wife for years but I NEED TO BE ME! Any encouraging input or advice is welcome.
These are the facts.....you have been married to him for 18 years. You love him. He hates the idea of nudism, and will never change. The only realistic advice anyone can give is to make a choice....your husband or your pursuit of nudism. You have to decide which is more important to you, you cannot have both. Some things in life come down to hard black and white decisions. I wish you luck.
Ahh,.. a true nudist.. welcome to the site.. You should be who you are, and not short change youreself for others, no matteer who they are.
Ive been in the same boat and diddnt like it... so I jumped ship as well and never looked back..lol
I don't see that black or white and disagree but thank you for you input.
When two diametrically opposed viewpoints cannot reach a compromise, the only choices are for one person to capitulate or remove themselves from the situation, ie leave their spouse. The only other choice you would have is to indulge in your nudist activities secretly then lie about it to your husband, and I really don't think any responsible person would encourage that.
I think Dan and Janette are right. It also is apparent by your OP that it's much more than just the nudism thing. It sounds like you are at the point where a choice must be made, and it also appears that you know there are only two choices which makes it a "black and white" situation like DandJ said. I wish you well.
As others have hinted at this is a very touchy subject. I myself was only married for a very short time and the reason for the dissolution of my marriage had nothing to do with nudism. However, I would like to say that if your husband objects to you being a nudist, he can state his opinion and objections, he can not and should not expect to enforce his ideal upon you. A marriage should be a meeting of equals who have the respect to honor one another no matter the difference of opinion. I have noticed that when religion or religious points of view get put into a conversation it causes more harm than good, especially if one party is severely devout and set in their minds. I respect your attempts to use scripture with your husband to help him see a different view. I have encountered many a person who, no matter the argument and/or evidence, will defend their position to their dying breath unbendingly. If you are so unhappy with how things are going, I think you should sit down with your husband and have a serious talk about how you both feel and where things are going. If after this you both feel it is not going in a positive direction, then you should discuss how to procede. I can't tell you how to go about any of this as I am not in the situation and can only go by what you posted. I can only say good luck and I hope that it goes well for both parties. A divorce is not a pleasant experience and I would not wish it on anyone. Just know that no matter what happens we will be here for you, or at least I will be if I can.
The last few years we have been separated for numerous reasons, one being that he doesn't enjoy or accept me fully.
Obviously, your nudism is not the only problem. I would not worry about it until most of your other, more important, issues are resolved (which may mean both of you compromise). Then deal with nudism only when it becomes the most important issue. Good luck.
If he would be against nudity per se, situation would be easy. You would go whenever it doesn't disturb your cohabitation and enjoy solo or social nudity in any which way you see fit. But his attitude of wanting to restrict you from being what you want to be even when he is not around is the problem.
Is he in other ways also a control freak, trying to decide what you are allowed to do and what not? If yes, then it is a broader issue to deal with and a very complicated one. Here a broader consultation to your mutual agreements, terms and behaviour, possibly with outside expert (marriage counselor etc.) would probably be the best option.
In case it is a singular issue, limited to whether you should be nude in anyone else's company but his, then it comes to fundamental importance of nudity in your life. Either he accepts your ways or he you submit yourself to his will and ideas. It really doesn't sound a rational argumentation would take you very far with him. Besides from Bible you can find almost any argument supporting or opposing anything all the way to endorsing genocides and racism, so reading and interpreting it even to a believer is a tricky thing to do. Using it as a argument pro/contra is not really much help, either, as any counterarguments can also be easily found in it.
So, either you stand up to your rights and make him face the existing facts - or you hold your peace with him. It is unfortunately you alone who has to face the music and make the decision. And carry the possible consequences.
Good luck
Aki
"I tried to play the good, submissive, wife" Seems to me that there is a bigger problemhere than just wanting to be nude, "we have been separated for numerous reasons".I believe the basic's of marriage is "Friendship, Love & Understanding". A catholic pastor doesn't marry God so that he can control him, it is because that is his one true love above all.In my 1st marriage I was so determined to succeed that I was willing to do & be anything for him an the marriage. And I was quite happy doing it for a long time. Then we had a dinner party & I realized that most of the people only knew me as ***'s wife or ***'s mother, most did not even know my 1st name...... So who was I anymore??No it wasn't all his fault, it was mine too, I let the real me slip away. Changing back was not in the cards with him, he came to expect me to be the way I was not the way I was when we married.That being most of the reason that our love had slipped away too. My old friends couldn't believe how I had changed & not for the good.To this day a part of me still loves him, but and this is the big "but" In order to be happy with myself I had to be me. Or else we didn't have a real relationship.Only you can decide what is right for you, an I don't believe nudism is the biggest problem. Take that out of the picture... would you still be happy together???Good luck & be true to yourself.
"I tried to play the good, submissive, wife" Seems to me that there is a bigger problemhere than just wanting to be nude, "we have been separated for numerous reasons".I believe the basic's of marriage is "Friendship, Love & Understanding". A catholic pastor doesn't marry God so that he can control him, it is because that is his one true love above all.In my 1st marriage I was so determined to succeed that I was willing to do & be anything for him an the marriage. And I was quite happy doing it for a long time. Then we had a dinner party & I realized that most of the people only knew me as ***'s wife or ***'s mother, most did not even know my 1st name...... So who was I anymore??No it wasn't all his fault, it was mine too, I let the real me slip away. Changing back was not in the cards with him, he came to expect me to be the way I was not the way I was when we married.That being most of the reason that our love had slipped away too. My old friends couldn't believe how I had changed & not for the good.To this day a part of me still loves him, but and this is the big "but" In order to be happy with myself I had to be me. Or else we didn't have a real relationship.Only you can decide what is right for you, an I don't believe nudism is the biggest problem. Take that out of the picture... would you still be happy together???Good luck & be true to yourself.
Excellent post. So very true.
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