Us ?
Hey folks.
I have a few things running through my head at the minute.
1.
I very rarely feel like having sex with my girlfriend anymore. This is
going on at least two out of the last four years. I haven't lost my
libido as I still get very horny about a lot of things. Is it just that
we have just gotten too used to each other ? Would living away from
each other help ?
2. She wants a baby but I don't. I know this
could be attributed to the sex issue mentioned above, but to be honest,
even without mention of a baby, I still don't think I would want sex.
What should I or we do ?
3. As mentioned already, we live
together. We have done so for four years. Can a relationship continue
if two people decide to move apart ? Or is this this just the start of
an inevitable breakup ?
In many ways I am a very logical person,
so looking at this information and other things which I know, I would
say that the relationship is dead.
Thing is, I don't want to
hurt her and to just end it seems like a waste of the past four years.
Having said that, the last four years were strange to put it in one
word. Although we had good times like holidays abroad and christmas
time we rarely go out together or do anything as a couple.
Would love any advice and suggestions. Thanks.
It doesn't sound at all that you are in love with this woman. Before I was married I couldn't stand the idea of me or my future wife leaving each other. IMHO it would be best for the both of you if you seperated and don't bring a baby into this world when you are so unsure of what you want to do. My dad walked out when I was six and my mothers and my life was very hard.
Agreed. Sounds like the two of you have grown apart. It's certainly not a good idea to have a baby with this woman if a) you don't want one and b) you don't find yourself sexually attracted to her any more. The fact that the relationship appears to be over doesn't necessarily mean you "wasted" four years, either. My advice would be to end the relationship as amicably and maturely as possible.
the having children perspective is definitely something to be taken with high regards. nevertheless we shouldn't pass on the sex talk either. i cannot emphasize how crucial sex is to a relationship. sex creates the intimacy needed for maintaining long term relationships via endorphin and especially oxytocin (long term relationship drugs) releasal. if the libido is there yet your girlfriend no longer arouses you, then it's pointing at a more deep seated psychological issue. i think there would be a few reason for you to feel this way...
1) there's a decent age gap between you and your girlfriend which causes a social/mental disconnect due to the drastic difference in the state of mind for the two people. sometime it really comes down to the cliche saying, "you guys are at different times in your lives."
2) i think the major contributor to all of this is that your girlfriend is further along the relationship progression than you, purely by having a child of her own. you're looking for romantic intimacy, whereas she's looking for partnership in child rearing. relationship trend: friends-romanace-partnership-friends, mind you this is the progress for a whole human lifetime. so ask yourself where do you fit into that and where does she? hope this helps. werd
yinyin
I am no expert but here goes my thought:
Though partnership is based on few factors, sex is defiantly one of them (an important one)
If you are not attracted to the women you are with , all you have left is love , friendship and most important mutual respect.
Opposite to men , women has a ticking clock in them and if you love her you should think about her too , if you dont want kids and she does , let her go and find her men , otherwise , you will do so when she will be too old and just ruin her life.
Yes. You will probably hurt her if you cut it off but question is: arent you hurting both of you right now?
So I guess what I am trying to say is: take some time to think real hard about what you want in life and what you feel for this relationship and make a decision if to go or stay.
Good luck!
Snugglebunny and curiouscpl, I agree with ye on this. It's just so hard to make the decision. Thanks to everyone who has shed light and opinion on this matterl. Just like with others I have spoken to, including the school councellor, I alreeady know the what needs to be done and I just have to do it.
Snugglebunny and curiouscpl, I agree with ye on this. It's just so hard to make the decision. Thanks to everyone who has shed light and opinion on this matterl. Just like with others I have spoken to, including the school councellor, I alreeady know the what needs to be done and I just have to do it.
You're afraid to make the decision. In a way, you already have made the decision. Command your muscles to level with her. Bear the inner discomfort of doing so.
Snugglebunny and curiouscpl, I agree with ye on this. It's just so hard to make the decision. Thanks to everyone who has shed light and opinion on this matterl. Just like with others I have spoken to, including the school councellor, I alreeady know the what needs to be done and I just have to do it.
Yes, it's a difficult decision, but it needs to be made. I can see a lessening of some sexual attraction after 50 yrs of being together but at that point, there's a whole lot more connection.
You might also want to get involved in some clubs, volunteer work to broaded your scope of friends. I do wish you well.
Cheri
Actions
Back to TopicsReply to TopicShare this topic
Get paid just by sending us users/traffic.
Signup takes seconds, start now!
Signup as an affiliate!