Hi Guys,I can't start to discuss much at a first visit,but I'm happy to give a very short backg5round. Many people I have heard do not, or find it difficult to believe that after 45 years of silence, the memories, pain and sadness that the absuers caused suddenly can come to the fore.Abuse in my case started at 4 years of age and lasted until I as 14. Now, 45 years on, I have a deep desire to hurt these people, not physically, but emmotionally, to embarace them, to see THEIR lives be a daily horror. I won't do it, I don't have the strength anymore and I've cried myself to sleep many a night - but I do want to listen, to help people understand they are not alone and if possible, get them out of the cycle they are in.My name is truely Rigby (no, not Ricky M, video chat me at (rickyholmesfield) at Yahoo !, email me (rickyholmesfield@yahoo.com) or leave a message here. Rigby.

Hi Rigby.

The second idea is the powerful one. Helping others. Taking the anger and desire to hurt (understand that) which you acknowledge is not going to help and getting them 'back' by making good happen. First thing is first. You still have lots of pain. The desire to harm is from the coping with it. You are externalizing it to avoid experiencing it. That's pretty normal for survivors. Therapist and a good fit is 100% necessary here. You can't work on pain this intense without support and help. It can be overwhelming and self destructive.

When you no longer feel much like hurting them and little anger, then you're ready to truly help. I know the good things are about healing too. But if there's failure or emotional tension it returns to the source and your anger grows. I know because I made this mistake. It set me back. Group therapy is a great option but again with the reference of a therapist . Mine was the first place i got support but also supported others. Good luck and lots of understanding.

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