Male Bonding2
For those who like to explore the concept and dynamics of male bonding. Men are socialized in different ways in different societies, and so many men would like to have close male friendships, yet after spending time establishing a career, primary relationship and live in general, find themselves without close male friends. Many of us want male friends with whom we can share openly without...
- created by AZdesertman
MY TAKE ON MALE BONDING
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I'm not sure about anyone else, but I think my take on male bonding is different and probably a little weird.I haven't ever told anyone out loud what it is because I think people would judge and question it, but i'm going to tell youguys and you guys let me know what you think.
I played started playing sports when i was 5 (swim lessons, pee wee football etc) so i'm used tothe locker room environment which as you know is where a lot of male bonding began for some of us.There the guys ( like me) that had no problem walking around all over the place butt ass naked, and therewere the guys that would shower off in the corner and get dressed real fast like they were about to exchange acounter-intelligence briefcase with a soviet spy. Never thought anything of it
As I grew up, however, I found that the friends i made were either like me or like the spy type.Some would have no problem hanging out naked with me in a hot tub or while changing clothes,the other friends i made would act like male nudity and camaraderie at the same time was very strangeand almost "gay" ( which of course makes me question how concrete they're sexual orientation was if that is therefirst thought). It wasn't until a few years ago that I made a very interesting connection. The same friends that wereall uptight about nudity were the same ones that ended betraying me or backstabbing me in some form or another.One of the guys got w/ this girl I was seeing, another uptight friend stole a couple hundred from my wallet whilei was sleep in my own house, etc etc.
Conversely - I am still in contact with the friends that had no problem getting naked with me and showing off andacting as crazy as i did. Those are the guys that we still talk and have inside jokes, still talk about make fun of each otherfor no reason, and make rude & complete overt sexual comments and spontaneous inappropriate groping of each other's body parts.We never labelled it... but i can tell you .. it was those guys that i could talk to about *anything*. We knew each other's secrets,we knew everything about it each other because from the get go they were able to let go, and it all started withmale bonding and nudity. We don't bother to label it ( other than male bonding ) One ex friend commentedthat we were probably repressed homosexuals ( which we never really understood because if this is what being gay was likei.e. hang out with each other and sleep with girls on the side - then sign us up!! ) Either way he never really got it,and doubt he ever will (ps that was the friend that stole the cash and the slutty girl)
Ok so the part thats weird: now i won't become friends with anyone or trust someone unless I've seen them nakedor hung out with them naked. I think as a rugby player and ex football player i have my superstitions and that is now one of them.Im not trying to check out their dongs. But i think it says something about the person themselves. But thats just me.
Really Male bonding is a code word for most of us that know what it really means is true brotherhood. Watching sportswhile dangling free, while getting drunk off of some ice cold beer, making fun of the refs and wondering what Kristen Bell orHayden Panettiere looks like naked, just guy stuff no censorship not even clothes. Thats what I'm talking bout.
The other day I met with a buddy in his hot tub, he has a naked in the hot tub rule, which is fine by me. Anyway...we were in the hot tub for a couple of hours, it wasn't that hot and we were just talking away. He actually said, Isn't it great that we can just be nude in this setting and talk about anything and neither of us is offended, and there is nothing sexual? I had to agree. To me this is male bonding, being able to be non judgmental, in a setting, with guys, and speak about anything without anything derogatory being said. It broadens friendship in general and creates a more intimate bond. Another friend and I were enjoying a glass or two of wine one night and started to talk. He is now on a few new medications and was telling me he is having libido issues. So we continued to talk about the side effects and the course of action he can take with ED medications. This led to general discussion between us of when we were younger and always horny to now being older and the changes this has meant for our libidos and our sexual acts. Again, it was a topic about sex, but not in a sexual manner. I am glad we are both comfortable being able to speak about intimate things with each other. Some guys may say, that they don't want to hear it, but I think its a level of kinship and brotherhood that tells us how how comfortable we are. Again, to me this is another example of male bonding bonding at its finest.
I agree, Travellingbizguy! I enjoy hanging out with buddies and doing things (camping, hiking, etc.) but to me, it's the level of sharing (being able to be open, nude and not necessarily sexual OR threatened) as well as the emotional (talking, sharing, and being vulnerable but being ourselves)that really helps make that connection and to me, defines a friend/buddy/brother. SO nice when one can actually find another guy or two that "gets" that and isn't threatened by reaching a different level of closeness.
When two or more guys get together, enjoying a glass (alcoholic or otherwise), or participating in a simple activityand can talk about any subject, personal or general in nature, then that is male bonding and friendship at it's best. When you can trust and relax with another guy, to discusspersonal matters, be it of a sexual health issue (Ed for example or lack of performance in bed) or, a relationship or other general subject without fear of rancour, being judged or being ridiculed, (which can so often be the case, which iswhy men do not open up), then you have achieved a deeper level of trust and understanding that is beautiful. Male bonding at it's best occurs when guys can get together to enjoy each other company without there being a sense of being challenged. A game of golf is wonderful, provided both guys are playing for fun for personal satisfaction, rather thanwinning at all costs. There is a time and place for everything. Some guys are competitive, but, I would argue, when that competitive edge is set aside, then a deeper more meaningful friendship and bond is established.
I was speaking about male bonding with a good friend. While discussing we both realized we have a connection that is more than friends and through thick or thin. We now term each other as Bonding Buddies. He is like a male partner without the sex.
I was speaking about male bonding with a good friend. While discussing we both realized we have a connection that is more than friends and through thick or thin. We now term each other as Bonding Buddies. He is like a male partner without the sex.
That sounds awesome! Love the term Bonding Buddies.
Bonding Buddies - thanks. BFF - best friends forever, doesn't come close to our bond. Even though we haven't known each other a long time we have a connection that is hard to describe. I mentioned to him we should do an Oath of bonding, and he is all for the idea.
Before I offer my opinion on this, I will say that I have had a couple of male friends with whom we spent most of our time, when we visited each other, totally naked. We grew extremely close..as close as real brothers, and were totally relaxed with each other. We had no secrets and were totally free with each other. We traveled and slept sometimes in the same bed naked during those times, but there was no sex at any time, not even a hint of it. I think, we belonged to no nudist groups, that we never equated being naked with sex. We were there for each other at all times and in all situations. I have also had very close male friends whom I have never seen naked, and we developed friendships and felt like brothers toward each other as well. I said all that to say this: while those friends with whom I spent naked time felt close to me, those who I had never seen undressed were equally close. It was just that the two with whom I spent naked time, had a view that nudity was not necessarily related to sex. That gave us more freedom with each other than those who were clothed all the time. To say that you will not befriend another male unless you see him naked seems a bit ludicrous to me--weird, in fact. To use your logic the only males to be trusted are those who are willing to strip in front of you. So here is a hypothetical question for you: what if you met a guy and there was a mutually strong attraction between the two of you (non-sexual) and the elements for a true friendship existed. You had never seen him naked, nor expected that to happen. Would you turn your back on him and go your separate way, demand that he allow you to see him naked, or something else? I would like to hear your response.