Male Bonding2
For those who like to explore the concept and dynamics of male bonding. Men are socialized in different ways in different societies, and so many men would like to have close male friendships, yet after spending time establishing a career, primary relationship and live in general, find themselves without close male friends. Many of us want male friends with whom we can share openly without...
- created by AZdesertman
Getting the discussions started:
Return to DiscussionsSo to get the sharing started, let me pose a couple of questions.....
Do you have a male best friend? What does (or would) the role of a platonic but intimate male friend play in your life?
For me, no, I don't have a male best friend. I have a couple of male friends that come close at times, but I dont' think I've ever had a BEST friend, that I could completely count on, one that we shared unconditional fraternal love and that I didn't feel like I had to guard my words or my sharing with him. I would play a tremendous role in my life...how nice it would be to havea confidant, a kindred soul and a strong masculine presence in my social life.
What about you all??
I have a male best friend. We met in the army 25 years ago. For last 20 years we live far away from each other, and visited only three times, but we still keep in touch every single day. Even though he is completely straight there is friendship love between us that is very hard to describe. Our friendship was never sexual it is more like soul mates finding each other after many years of separation. There is nothing I would be ashamed to tell him and vice versa. We help each other in hard times. We share good times. I cannot imagine my life without him.
I don't have a male best friend, one that I could talk to about anything. Our culture really doesn't encourage close friendships between men. If I did have a close male friend I believe that many of the hang ups and personal issues would be non existent or at least minamized. I think having someone that you could rely on completely, that you could go to with a problem, would make us better men.
I don't have a male "best" friend currently, but do have a few "good" friends Have had "best" friends in the past, but those relationshipswere destroyed by lies and/or drugs...I grew, they regressed. It would be nice tohave a best friend that I can share anything and everythingwith, but am more careful about who I consider a true friend. It seems so rare to find peoplethat make honesty top priority, and I couldn't consider someone as a "best" friend that didn't value honesty with me.
Some great words being shared here.....thought provoking. I think StraightShooter and others really said it when they said we can't be afraid to share openly. I think the challenge is getting beyond the sense of competition we often feel with other men, and the fear of vulnerability. I've also experienced a few times that many men aren't ready for alot of open, genuine sharing.....that you have to build up to it. That sharing too much too soon can scare some awayas well. Finding the men who long for that kind of a brother/friendship and building up to the total openness and connection seems to be a delicate balance.
I have had that relationship with a best friend and let me tell you that there is nothing quite like it. We could discuss anything, understand the other and his feelings, be open with one another and never have to worry about the other possibly telling someone else about those emotions and feelings. We were so close we could practically tell what the other was thinking and wanting. Unfortunately my best friend died at the age of 52 from a massive heart attack one morning. With his passing so went a piece of my soul. I so dearly miss him.
I keep searching for another friend like him but have yet to find one. I think in many ways I am comparing potential friends with him, which isn't fair to those I touch but I just can't keep the comparison out of my mind. Once you have had that kind of friendship you so long for it again but are hesitant due to the fact that you really don't know if it could ever be so great. Hopefully someday that will happen again for me and all of you who are seeking the same situation.
Joe
Thanks for your sharing, friends! I realize that sometimes it isn't easy to share about that, particularly if you have been lucky enough to experience that profound sense of friendship and fraternalism, and then have lost it through one means or another!! Much of this sharing brings, up, though..... How does one go about finding that deeper level of friendship? Is there a way to intentionally identify possibilities for this, or do we need to just wait until it happens? Once a possibility is found, how do we build and nurture that relationship so that it grows and blossoms into the kind of friendship that we desire and need?
Livinaunatural, I feel it is a comfort zone with a friend. In my case it was my neighbor who I felt comfortable enough to be with, confide with, and share with. Sometimes it is a risky situation I suppose...opening up to someone you THINK will understand, listen to you and you to him, and want to share life in the manner you want as well. Then the important thing is communication. Talk to one another, listen to one another and care for one another. The bonding will come natural. You will both be on the same page and willing to have that close relationship.
I have been extremely lucky to have a male best freind that has been in my life since our high school days, I'm going to date myself but, that's 37 years. We unfortunately lost touch for a period of time, but when we regained communication it was like we never stopped. There is nothing that either of us keep from each other and nothing that we could tell each other that could hurt either one. We do not live close but we are in constant contact. He accepts me for who I am in every way and even applauds when I do or say what I feel, and likewise for me. We are both married and love each other as brothers, in fact we have often said we are more brothers to each other than our own flesh and blood. My only wish is that he would let himself be free and go naked just once, like we used to when we were kids... ;)
I've been blessed/cursed with two best friends. The first was in high school. "Kurt" and I could talk to each other about any subject for hours on end. We could just drop in on each other at just about any time and always be warmly greeted. We were always there for each other and always willinr to help each other out. He was killed in 'Nam. I used to call him "Cornball". Whenever the TravelingWall is in the area, I still leave a cornball near his name.
My second best buddy was "Larry". After Exie-Pooh kicked me out for someone else, Lar was one of the few that didn't treat me as some sorrt of misfit. As our friendship further evolved, we shared our expirences, our stories, our joys, our pains. He also taught me things I didn't know about myself. That I could truely enjoy sex with another man. That, while I had a brotherly or fraturnal love for him, it was impossible for me to return his romantic love for me. Even after he moved on to another man and I moved on to my current (and long time now) girlfriend, we still stayed close. He started to take some potent pain killers following a surgery...he was already back on the booze...I don't think I need mention what followed.
While I would love to have a 'best friend' again, I don't think I can take the pain again.