Str8, Gay, or Bi Buddies
Return to DiscussionsAfter many years of nudism and the years on here, the idea of having male friends that are so call 'like minded' can lead to having situations that you don't want to find yourself in. Does your desire to have buddies to hang out include what? I run a nude males group on meetup, and I get ideas from other male groups on meetup what does and does not work for hanging out. The more specific you are in what you desire will attract those type of guys. We've gone as far as clearing stating that our group is for guys that desire 'social' nudism and nothing else regardless of any 'label' society puts on individuals. Well even with that definition we still get guys who request to join that are looking for sexual experiences and they are bi or gay. I call only recall one 'straight' male applying and that makes two of us in the group. To find straight males that accept nudism is not normal, just look at profiles on here, TN. Then there is those individuals, transgender. Are you open to a female becoming a male? We've had that discussion within the group and a few of us were, why not as long as the individual transitions to a male physically and accepts the group's concept of social nudism. You would think that in a large metro area as Dallas/Fort Worth there would be many if not hundreds looking for this social nudism, think again. In two years, we are just now at 40 members. We do get a few request each week requesting to join but after meeting up with each individual, it usually comes to light that they are looking for something sexual. I had one guy just not understand that guys can be around each other, be nude, and no sex. Another guy just came out and asked "it wouldn't then good for me to ask can I bj that?" Even with these types of guys requesting to join, I am always hopeful that there are those guys out there what will come along and we will grow in numbers. The issue is finding those guys that look past the 'labels' that are placed on individuals, making assumsions and understand that guy time is non sexual.
After many years of nudism and the years on here, the idea of having male friends that are so call 'like minded' can lead to having situations that you don't want to find yourself in. Does your desire to have buddies to hang out include what? I run a nude males group on meetup, and I get ideas from other male groups on meetup what does and does not work for hanging out. The more specific you are in what you desire will attract those type of guys. We've gone as far as clearing stating that our group is for guys that desire 'social' nudism and nothing else regardless of any 'label' society puts on individuals. Well even with that definition we still get guys who request to join that are looking for sexual experiences and they are bi or gay. I call only recall one 'straight' male applying and that makes two of us in the group. To find straight males that accept nudism is not normal, just look at profiles on here, TN. Then there is those individuals, transgender. Are you open to a female becoming a male? We've had that discussion within the group and a few of us were, why not as long as the individual transitions to a male physically and accepts the group's concept of social nudism. You would think that in a large metro area as Dallas/Fort Worth there would be many if not hundreds looking for this social nudism, think again. In two years, we are just now at 40 members. We do get a few request each week requesting to join but after meeting up with each individual, it usually comes to light that they are looking for something sexual. I had one guy just not understand that guys can be around each other, be nude, and no sex. Another guy just came out and asked "it wouldn't then good for me to ask can I bj that?" Even with these types of guys requesting to join, I am always hopeful that there are those guys out there what will come along and we will grow in numbers. The issue is finding those guys that look past the 'labels' that are placed on individuals, making assumsions and understand that guy time is non sexual.
There is nothing wrong with setting up your group as non-sexual but the way you describe it here sounds super judgemental. There is nothing wrong with men (transmen are men too) hanging out together and if something sexual comes up. But if you want a non-sexual nude group, you should make it clear without judgement. There is nothing wrong with sexuality and nudism. Nude guy time can be sexual and there is nothing wrong with that. There is also nothing wrong with having nude hangouts where the rules are that this is a non-sexual space. Boners happen but we won't do anything about them and it's ok. I am sure the anti sex tone maybe pushing people away. Who knows. But i think if it's clear up front in the description you will save everyone time.
There is nothing wrong with setting up your group as non-sexual but the way you describe it here sounds super judgemental.
If you've ever had any experience creating and/or moderating a group, either here on TN or Meetup, the challenge of setting up a NON-SEXUAL Men's Nudist or Naturist group is how to communicate as clearly as possible it is "non-sexual" without sounding homophobic.
I find that, for the most part, straight identifying nudist men on TN are pretty much cool with men of different and other sexual orientation. Often because they are secure with themselves and their orientation, which oftentimes is not always extremely positioned at the end of the spectrum. [Let's not get into a sexual orientation definitions debate here. That's for the squares.] Thus, it would be pretty fucked up to say "Straight Men Only" when promoting a men's group on TN. That would be homophobic and just not in the spirit of the TN or nudist community.
The second challenge is exactly what Doneright is addressing. No matter how many which ways you try to say it, spell it out, telegraph, mansplain it, many guys just don't get there are, in fact, nudist men who want to have a nudist experience with other nude men that is not, nor becomes, actively sexual. Now let me explain that again in five more other ways and probably there will be a dozen guys who read this and still not get it!
Lastly, Doneright is what you would call a TRULY TRUE TrueNudist, in the fullest sense of the word and the tradition of American and International Nudism. He has a tremendous amount of experience organizing and creating nudist community and has done much to promote the lifestyle by actually living it to the most complete example, and then willing to share his nudist life publicly, many times, in AARP and other publications. I think you owe him not just great respect, but also an apology, along with a promise and commitment to read his profile fully. You'll find he's none of the things you are saying. You just might even want to become friends.
There is nothing wrong with setting up your group as non-sexual but the way you describe it here sounds super judgemental. There is nothing wrong with men (transmen are men too) hanging out together and if something sexual comes up. But if you want a non-sexual nude group, you should make it clear without judgement. There is nothing wrong with sexuality and nudism. Nude guy time can be sexual and there is nothing wrong with that. There is also nothing wrong with having nude hangouts where the rules are that this is a non-sexual space. Boners happen but we won't do anything about them and it's ok. I am sure the anti sex tone maybe pushing people away. Who knows. But i think if it's clear up front in the description you will save everyone time.
I missed this post until it was pointed out. I guess I need to clarify myself.What is the name of your Meetup group? I would like to check it out.
Again missed this post also, Here is the link to the group:
https://www.meetup.com/DFWAMN/
As you will read, the description or what some call the 'mission statement' of the group is clear. It's taken a while to write that description after many talks with others that also manage male nude groups on Meetup and other platforms. You will see near the end of the description that it clearly stated what the process is to join the group. I'm not sure how clearer it can be. I've very flexible when I will talk and meet interested guys, it's something that we agree, when and where. There are other groups that have set place and time, and if you don't make it well you can't join. Now how are the results? Tt usually comes out to that 1/3 never reply to the message about the phone call. Why, well I can't say for sure, since they don't reply, though I think it's that they realize the process and don't care to go thru it. The other 2/3 about half don't make it pass the phone call, they either won't give time to meet up face to face, realize that they can't keep to the non-social part of nudism, or just have way too busy of a life to give 2 hours every six months on attend one event. We plan about 2 to 3 events a month of various activities. A few have objected to the $1 per month to the membership charge to cover for fee meetup charges to be on meetup and to cover part of cost of the events.
If you've been on here and read post about gatherings, you will see that many don't show up to gatherings that state they will be there. Some do say ahead that they can't make it but a lot just don't show up, what some call 'flake out' and don't even give a reason. I've had host that will not host any more as it does take time to get things set up because of the no shows. We've gone now to charging $5 per event to cover for food and drinks. We've had issue in the past with what food/drinks were at events when guys didn't show and that item wasn't there. (What do to do with hot dog buns without the hot dog)? You would think that if you say you will be there, then you show up. Even with the $5 charge, we have about 1/4 to 1/3 still no show. However, now most do tell us ahead, even an hour before event, that they won't be there. In the process individuals go thru to join, at the face to face meetup, the 'rules' of the group are clearly spelled out. Then when they make the payment thru a payment app, there is again clear statements that they must agree to the rules, waiver of group and host, and a few other items. The statements they have to agree to have come from talks with other groups, some you would think are common sense but in this day and age, you need to spell it out.
So with all this, how many do join, it's about one guy a month over the last 1 1/2 years. We've had few leave the group as they leave the area, and a few 'change' their minds for various reasons and about 1/2 of them find partners that won't agree to them been part of a nude group.
You think that with what you read in the description of the group, guys would 'know' what to expect but just as it clear what this site is for, you daily find those that clearly don't care to follow the rules. I do find nudist guys who were on this site but no longer are, and the reason most give is that they didn't like the sexual tone that is found on here. Well, it's true and actually, I find that in any place that you have naked bodies, especially just men, there is a sexual tone. I'm not surprise, and I've had a few tell me that even happened at the nudist resort we are members of. Again, not surprised though they were not doing it in front of anyone but not in a private setting either. Nudism does get a 'black eye' when individuals act out in setting that where it should not be taking place. Then do you just ignore it, say nothing or do you 'educate' those individuals? There just maybe individuals there for the first time checking out nudism, so do they get a good impression of nudism? Yes the group rules may offend some, well they don't have to join but for those that want to have our boundaries respected and find others that are 'like minded', then we can set the rules. Nobody is forcing them to be part of the group. Just like nudist resort, they are a private group, and can set the rules for their facility. Now what individuals do in private, that's their place. Just like with the nudist group, if guys want to get together in private and not at an event place, that's for them to do not for the group to say otherwise. We are all men and understand what is sexual and not sexual. granted it is shaped by our own boundaries.
Talking about boundaries. Here is one., Yes, that boner pops up, fine, it's a guy been a guy however, when it's clear to all that it is more of a show than a natural thing, then when do you say, enough? So to make it clear, we accept 'boners', it is spelled out, we as a group have no issue with boners but when it is 'helped' along, then a warning is given and at second warning, you are request to leave. Refusing to leave will result that you are banned from the group, If you are requested to leave two times, then a written warning is give that the next request to leave, the 3rd time, you are banned from the group. Has this happen? Once and he removed himself from the group before he was banned.There is nothing wrong with setting up your group as non-sexual but the way you describe it here sounds super judgemental.If you've ever had any experience creating and/or moderating a group, either here on TN or Meetup, the challenge of setting up a NON-SEXUAL Men's Nudist or Naturist group is how to communicate as clearly as possible it is "non-sexual" without sounding homophobic.I find that, for the most part, straight identifying nudist men on TN are pretty much cool with men of different and other sexual orientation. Often because they are secure with themselves and their orientation, which oftentimes is not always extremely positioned at the end of the spectrum. [Let's not get into a sexual orientation definitions debate here. That's for the squares.] Thus, it would be pretty fucked up to say "Straight Men Only" when promoting a men's group on TN. That would be homophobic and just not in the spirit of the TN or nudist community.
As Nuudstone points out, how you word things, and how individuals take it, is a very hard balancing at. As clearly on the group description, we all any guy to join the group, does not matter on any factors though the transgender would be a challenge. Granted we've not had to go thru a request from a transgender but it has been talked. We came to a understanding, if it a 'guy' who was a female, then as long as they identify themselves as a guy and act like a guy, then it fit's within the group. No if it is a guy identifying themselves as a female, then no. We even had talk about the fact of the genital, guy has penis but they are identifying themselves as a female, then we'd say they are not a male thinking individual. The whole concept is that guys want to be with others that are guys. Just like there are nudist that are not comfortable been around nude children, then there are guys that are not comfortable around nude females. That's their choice so would we exclude an individual that identifies as a male but has all the factors of been a physical female? We as a group so no but I know a few guys that have stated it would be difficult for them to be around that individual. We will have to deal with that when it happens. So if we exclude those individuals are we then going to be not fitting to the 'spirit' of nudism? It is clear that what ever 'rules' / 'boundaries' you set, there is someone that will be offended and that some will ignore the rules just because. That is part of life and we make our on choices on how to deal with those times and let's just move on.