A good friend will come bail you out of jail...but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying...Damn... we fucked up.

• 6 months ago

Or "Damn, that was so fun!"

• 6 months ago

My patience is basically like a gift card...not sure how much is left on it but we can give it a try.

• 6 months ago

Filling a whoopee cushion with chocolate pudding adds a whole new dimension to the joke

• 6 months ago

I'm often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

• 6 months ago

Stop naming hospitals after dead people, give us some hope. Like, where's the Keith Richards Memorial Hospital?

• 5 months ago

If the pilgrims gave the Indians a donkey instead of a turkey.. we would be getting a piece of ass for Thanksgiving.

• 4 months ago

Laws requiring me to wear clothes violate my right to bare arms.

• 3 months ago

It's weird being the same age as old people

• 2 months ago

I feel the same, every day!!

• 2 months ago