I told my wife I wanted to be cremated..... She made me an appointment for Tuesday.

If you make it to your appointment and it's successful. we won't be hearing from you anymore after the next 3 days.

• a year ago

If you don't swear while driving.....you're not paying enough attention to the road.

• a year ago

By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, l've likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.

• a year ago

By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, l've likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.

LOL! Such is my life!

• a year ago

Husband: l want you to have this bracelet Dear, it belonged to my grandmother.... Wife: why does it say Do Not Resuscitate.

• a year ago

Doctor said if l have the vasectomy, l would't have any kids...had the op.... got home... and they're still here...

• a year ago

hahahahaha maybe they'll be gone when you have it reversed after a day or two =)

• a year ago

Doctor said if l have the vasectomy, l would't have any kids...had the op.... got home... and they're still here...

Oh hell, I just blew beer out my nose!!!

• a year ago

If you're naked on the front porch and the neighbors can't see you,
it's rural.
If you're naked on the front porch and the neighbors call the cops,
it's suburban.
If you're naked on the front porch and the neighbors ignore you,
it's urban.
If you're naked on the front porch and your neighbor is also naked,
it's Florida.

• a year ago

There's a fine line between genius and crazy.....l like to use that line as a jump rope.

• 10 months ago