A retiredItalian wine maker went to the village church to make his
Confession for thefirst time in many decades.
When the priest slid open the panel in theconfessional, the man said, "Father, during World War II, a beautiful womanknocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. I hid her in myattic."
The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! You
have no need to confess it." "It's worse than that, Father," hecontinued. "She quickly started to repay me with sexual favors."
"Peoplein wartime sometimes act in ways they wouldn't under normal
conditions. Ifyou are truly sorry for your actions, you are forgiven."
"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. May I ask a
Question?"
"What, my son?"
"She is pretty old now, should I tell her the war is over?"
These are awesome gold! Thank you for sharing all these classic funnies with us!
I love to share and find humorous moments and "stories". I am retired, but you can imagine what an inventory I have collected over the years. I am happy that others still share also. Many are repeat stories to me, but always enjoy renewing recycled laughs from them. If only you could sit down for a few weeks going over my "inventory".......that is what it would take! Oh, if I only had much more time to devote to sharing them..........
Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting, there appears to be a need for STC (Senior Texting Code).
If you qualify for Senior Discounts, this is the code for you.
ATD: At The Doctor's
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk's On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROFL... CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing... And Can't Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where's The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
GGLKI (Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In)
Grandpa took his 14 yr old grandson fishing. They got out in the boat and Grandpa opened the cooler and got a cold beer." THe grandson ask," Can I have a beer grandpa?" Grandpa ask him," Does your peter reach around to your butthole?" THe boy said no and Grandpa said,"Then you cant have a beer, you aren't big enough!" THen Grandpa li a cigar and the boy ask," Can I ahve a cigar Grandpa?" Again Grandpa ask him," Does your peter reach around to your butthole?" The boy said no and grandpa said, Tehn you aint big enopugh for a Cigar either!" The boy got in his backpack and got a pack of Oreo Cookies and began to eatone. Grandpa ask,' Can I have an Oreo?" The boy ask him," Does your peter go around and reach your butthole?' THe old man smiled and said," Why yes it does!" TYhe boy looked at him and said," Then stick up your butt and get your own damne dcookies!"
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