Carny, Cons & Circus Jokes
A guy met a carny girl at the visiting carnival, and she invited him back to her trailer for the night.
When they arrived at her trailer, they went right into her bedroom.
The guy noticed that the room was filled with stuffed animals.
There were hundreds of them all over the place.
Giant stuffed animals were on top of the wardrobe.
Large stuffed animals were on the bookshelf and on the window sill,
and a lot of smaller stuffed animals were on the bottom shelf.
Later, after they had sex, he turned to her and asked confidently,
"So... how was I?"
"Well," she said, "You can take anything from the bottom shelf."
A Cajun named, Jean Paul, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from
an old farmer named Ben for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the
donkey the next day.
The next day, Ben drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news.
The donkey died."
"Well, then, just give me the money back," said Jean Paul
"Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Replied Ben
"OK, then. Just unload the donkey," said Jean Paul.
"What ya going to do with him?" asked Ben.
"I'm going to raffle him off," said Jean Paul.
"You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" uttered Ben.
"Sure can. Watch me. I just won't tell that he's dead," said Jean Paul.
A month later Ben met up with the Cajun and asked, "What happened
with that dead donkey?"
"I raffled him off, I did. I sold 500-hunderd tickets at two dollars apiece
and made a profit of $898," said Jean Paul.
"Didn't anyone complain?" inquired Ben.
"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back, said Jean Paul.
Con Man Charged With Selling Eternal Youth Tablets
The police recently busted a man selling tablets he said gave eternal youth.
When going through their files they noticed it was the fourth time he was caught for doing this.
He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856 and 1928.
George and Jack
George Burns was having his weekly lunch with Jack Benny when he suggested a way to get a free lunch.
"You know what Jack, we've been coming here for so many years, this place must have made a fortune from us.
Not only do we spend a lot of money, we bring in a lot of business!"
"You're probably right George."
"So how about, when the bill comes, you insist on paying it!"
"How does that get us a free lunch?"
"Well, then I will insist on paying it. we get into a big fight and eventually you say
"That is it! If you don't let me pay, I will never have lunch with you again."
The restaurant will be so scared of losing out business,
they'll have to give us the meal for free to shut us up!"
"I love it!"
So, at the end of the meal, the waiter comes over with the bill and place it on the table.
Jack, will a big grin on his face, takes out his wallet and says;
"I'M paying for the lunch today, George!"
"Thank's Jack, that is very nice of you."
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations.
At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar,
trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his.
The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
Finally he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him.
As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him,
read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content.
Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off.
The results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The con artist replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things
when he noticed an old lady following him around.
Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on.
Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.
"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable.
It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."
"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother'?
It would make me feel so much better." "Sure," answered the young man.
As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.
"How can that be?" He asked, "I only purchased a few things!"
"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.
Snake Eyes!
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table.
A very attractive brunette comes in and wants to bet ten thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm not wearing a top."
With that said she pulls off her top and rolls the dice while screaming,
"Momma needs a new blouse." She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers.
"YES! I win - I win." She grabs up her money and top and quickly leaves the table
The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded.
Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?"
The other answers, "I thought you were watching!"
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