He ordered one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept looking over and whispering. You could tell they were thinking, 'Thatpoor old couple - all they c an afford is one meal for the two of them. .'
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said they were just fine - They were used to sharing everything.
The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'
As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you're waiting for?'
She answered . . . . . . .
'THE TEETH.'
An old man is sitting on a park bench crying. Another old man walks up and asks him what is wrong. The first says "I am 87 years old, have a beautiful 22 yo wife who is waiting for me in sexy nighty with wonderfull supper she cooked, After we eat we will go to the bedroom to make love for hours."
The other man says "That sounds wonderfull, why are you crying?"
The first man says "I don't remember where I live."
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding ----
Older Lady--Is there a problem Officer?
Officer---Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older woman--Oh, I see.
Officer---Can I see your license please?
Older woman---I'd give it to you but i don't have one.
Officer---Don't have one?
Woman---Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer---I see--Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer---Why not?
Woman---I stole this car.
Officer---Stole it?
Woman---Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer---You What?
Woman---His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away from the car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2:---Ma'am, would you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman---Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2---One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman--Murdered the owner?
Officer--Yes, could you open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer---Is this your car ma'am?
Woman---Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2---One of my officers claims that you do not have a drivers license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2---Thank you ma'am. One of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman---Bet the liar told you I was speeding too.
Moral: DON'T MESS WITH OLD LADIES!!!
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision
to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the
way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers "Yes."
Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do.
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob: "How about Viagra?"
Pharmacist: "Of course."
Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."
Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for
Parkinson's disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
Jacob: "Wonderful, then we'd like to use this store as our Bridal
Registry"
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