The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.

• 14 years ago

I bet you I could stop gambling.

• 14 years ago

If at first you don't succeed, take the top off the bottle.

• 14 years ago

If at first you suck a seed, spit it out. I love watermellon.

• 14 years ago

Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving.

• 14 years ago

I still miss my ex-wife....but my aim is getting better.

• 14 years ago

I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me.
After all, I'm a Leo and she's a bitch.

• 14 years ago

When I see you, joy and happiness exude from every orifice (another actual one of mine).
Wow " Careful Wirral, I'm a married man "

• 14 years ago

Life's a breeze, Marriage is a tornado. That's one I made up, so it must be good. How about this one- Life's just a game, Marriage is game over.

• 14 years ago

A man walks into a bar and asks the barmaid for a double entendre - so she gave him one.

• 14 years ago