RE: More Wife Jokes.

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.
The mother gets up and says to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.
The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.
After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied, "Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"

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RE: More Wife Jokes.

I overheard a friend telling his pal,
"I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."
"What is she doing?" the pal asked.
"Waiting for me to get home.

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RE: More Wife Jokes.

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted excitedly, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said, "Just get out."

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RE: More Wife Jokes.

My wife thought KOTEX was a radio station in Texas.

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RE: More Wife Jokes.

My wife's such a lousy cook,I don't clean my teeth after dinner,I count them.

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RE: More Wife Jokes.

Don't marry for money, you can borrow it cheaper.

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RE: More Wife Jokes.

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

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RE: More Wife Jokes.

Everyone says the world would be better off if it was run by women. Sure, maybe there wouldn't be violence and territorial conquests fueled by male testosterone. But instead, we'd have a bunch of jealous countries that aren't talking to each other.

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RE: More Wife Jokes.

Q: What's the difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on your taxes?
A: If you tell the truth about your taxes, the IRS will still want to screw you.

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RE: More Wife Jokes.

Glenn and his wife were working in their garden one day when Glenn looks over at his wife and says,
"Your butt is getting really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measured the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.
"Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!"
The wife chose to ignore the husband.
Later that night in bed Glenn was feeling a little frisky.
He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie

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