I have discovered the answer to a question that has been puzzling scientists for hundreds of years. What is the exact difference between a split second and a nanosecond?
My girlfriend and I were getting ready to go to a fancy dinner when, right as we were about to leave home, my girlfriend asked me the question all guys dread. She asked, Does this dress look bad on me?
If I had said no in a nanosecond, wed have been out the door. However, since I took a split second before responding, she had to go back up to her closet to change, again.
My girlfriend and I were getting ready to go to a fancy dinner when, right as we were about to leave home, my girlfriend asked me the question all guys dread. She asked, Does this dress look bad on me?
Best answer in this case is to say ALL dresses look bad on you, you look better naked. Then see what she does about it.
Ladies, do you want to make his Christmas unforgettable?
1. Trim his tree.
2. Lick his luscious candy cane.
3. Be his "ho-ho-ho" for the holidays.
4. Polish his Christmas balls.
5. Ride him like a reindeer.
6. Taste his sweet egg-nog.
7. Deck the halls with moans of pleasure.
8. Fa, la, la, latio - la, la, la, la.
9. Spark his menorah with a hot strip tease.
10. Request a stiff stocking stuff-her!
11. Make his Kris Kringle tingle.
12. Gift wrap yourself in sexy lingerie.
13. Unwrap his package.
14. Hang mistletoe from any place you want kissed.
15. Rock his jingle bells in the frosty air.
16. Make your Rudolph's hose as red as his nose.
17. Heat him up with a snow job.
18. Give the Christmas carolers a show of your own.
19. Dress up as Santa's nasty little helper.
20. Make sure you're naughty, so it's nice.
Why do the bad guys, kidnappers, embezzlers, blackmailers, etcetera,
on Law & Order, Law & Order C.I., and Law & Order SVU
deposit their ill-gotten gains into their bank accounts?
Why do most of the bodies on Bones have something with a serial number on it?
If a seed or a bug is found at a crime scene how come it could only come from one location in the whole wide world?
I happened to meet a marriage broker while drinking at a local bar.
When he heard I was divorced,
He said, Dont let it get too late. I have exactly the woman you need.
You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!"
"Don't bother," I replied "I've two sisters at home, who look after all my needs....I am happy with that arrangement."
"That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife."
"I said 'two sisters'.... I didn't say they were mine!"
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