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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

Don't Mitt on America.

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

She finally said "yes", then asked, "What do you want me to do?"
I replied, "I just don't want you to change your mind."

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

A new study says:
Your diet can kill you or wish it had.
There is one food that causes grief and suffering for years after eating it.
It's called "Wedding Cake".

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

The bartender asked why I looked worried. I replied. "Some ticked-off husband wrote to me, and said he would kill me if I didn't stop messing around with his wife, but the inconsiderate bastard didn't sign his name!"

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

I once heard my ex on the phone talking to her mother,
she asked for step-by-step instructions on cooking sweet potatoes.
"I've finally been able to make them sweet," she said, "but how do you make them orange?"

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

My ex complained, "The only time you think about a candlelight dinner- is if there is a power failure."

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

An extra hour for night people. Day people will waste it sleeping.

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

A few years ago, as a solar eclipse approached all the newscasters were warning people not to look directly into the sun.
My ex said that if an eclipse was so dangerous, they never should have decided to hold one and ought to cancel it.

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

One night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard me ex say, "What would you like for dinner, love? Chicken, beef or lamb?"
I said, "A big juicy steak would be great." She yelled back, "I was talking to the cat."
"You're getting mac and cheese."

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

My ex came home unexpectedly one day and caught me in bed with a beautiful lady midget.
She screamed, "You promised you would never cheat on me again."
I explained, "Hey, Im taperin' off here."

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