RE: Random thoughts and jokes

My ex complained that I never talked to her during sex; I told her I was afraid I would wake her up.

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

When I was a kid, we never locked our doors. Didn't have to. Didn't have anything worth stealing.

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

When I was a kid, we didn't lock our doors. We chopped them up to put on the fire.

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

When I was a kid, fire hadn't been invented.

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

When I was a kid we couldn't afford shoes, so we put black polish on our feet.

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

When I was a kid we couldn't afford shoes or black polish.

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be eight again." she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her off to the local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, every thing there was. Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, and her favorite M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, Well, Dear, what was it like being eight again?" Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size!!!!!!!
The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get it wrong.

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

I never weed the garden because I don't want to get in God's way, HE is an excellent designer!

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

I never weed the garden, I always use the toilet.

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

Q: What's the most common cause of hearing lossamong men?

A: His wife saying she wants to talk to him.

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