Random thoughts and jokes

Post #672 thomasstierneyUltra Nudist

RE: Random thoughts and jokes

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above river, his axe fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into the river, and he needed it to make his living.
The Lord went down in the water and appeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?"the Lord asked.
"No", the woodcutter replied.
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?"the Lord asked.
"Yes", he replied.
The Lord was so pleased with the man's honesty that He gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy. Later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord appeared again and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the river!" The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez
"Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.
"Yes," cried the woodcutter.
The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
The woodcutter fell to his knees and cried, "Oh, forgive me, Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez, you would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, and I love my wife such that I don't want her to share me with anyone, so THAT'S why I said yes to Jennifer Lopez."
The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason, and for the benefit of others.. MOSTLY his lady!
That's our story, and we're sticking to it..

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Post #673 ManOfWicklowUltra NudistA lie has speed, but truth has endurance.

RE: Random thoughts and jokes

by ManOfWicklowTextile

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month the other 49 percent didnt answer the phone.

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Post #674 thomasstierneyUltra Nudist

RE: Random thoughts and jokes

by thomasstierneyTextile

86% of all statistics are made up on the spot, including this on.

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Post #675 ManOfWicklowUltra NudistA lie has speed, but truth has endurance.

RE: Random thoughts and jokes

by ManOfWicklowTextile

A new government 10 year survey cost $3,000,000,000 revealed that 3/4 of the people in America make up 75% of the population.

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Post #676 thomasstierneyUltra Nudist

RE: Random thoughts and jokes

by thomasstierneyTextile

According to recent surveys, 51% of the people are in the majority.

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Post #677 thomasstierneyUltra Nudist

RE: Random thoughts and jokes

by thomasstierneyTextile

I love how coffee fixes everything.
Tired?
Drink some coffee.
Headache?
Drink coffee.
Cold?
Drink coffee.
Someone piss you off?
Toss the cup at them....

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Post #678 ManOfWicklowUltra NudistA lie has speed, but truth has endurance.

RE: Random thoughts and jokes

by ManOfWicklowTextile

I love how coffee fixes everything.Tired?Drink some coffee.Headache?Drink coffee.Cold?Drink coffee.Someone piss you off?Toss the cup at them....Same with whiskey, but just make sure the bottle is empty before throwing it at them.

This post was edited