What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws don't overstay their welcome.

• 12 years ago

The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.
- Johnny Carson

• 12 years ago

One cannibal says to the other: "I can't stand my mother-in-law."
The other says: "Why don't you just eat the vegetables?"

• 12 years ago

I haven't spoken to my mother-in-law for two years.
We haven't quarreled. I just don't like to interrupt her.

• 12 years ago

I said to the chemist, 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the mother-in-law?' He said, 'Why?' I said, 'She keeps waking up.'

• 12 years ago

A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
"Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?" "To kill my husband."
"I can't sell you arsenic to kill a person!"
The lady lays down a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position.
The man is her husband and the woman is the pharmacist's wife.
He takes the photo, and nods. "I didn't realize you had a prescription!"

• 12 years ago

I'm writing a book about reverse psychology.
Please don't buy it

• 12 years ago

A lady says to her pal: "I have to be really careful not to get pregnant. "Her confused pal asks: "But I thought your husband just had a vasectomy?" "Exactly," she replied.

• 12 years ago

A woman asks the pharmacist if he sells extra large condoms.
The pharmacist replies, "Yes, would you like to buy some?"
The woman says, "No, but do you mind if I stand over there and wait to see who buys them?"

• 12 years ago

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I'm in love." the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
"With you!" he said.
"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a condom!"

• 12 years ago