A guy gets a new job and he works Tuesday to Friday, but on Monday he calls his boss and says:
"I cannot come in today. I'm sick." The same thing happens next week and the week after.
The boss gets irritated, but he doesn't want to fire the guy, because he's really good at what he does.
He calls him in his office and says to him:
"Listen, I'm really happy that I've hired you, but you simply don't work on Mondays.
Tell me what the problem is? Do you drink a lot, do you take drugs?"
"No," replies the guy, "I don't drink at all and I don't do drugs. But my sister is married to this guy, who drinks every weekend. So when he comes home he beats her really badly. I go to visit her every Monday to make sure she's OK.
She starts crying on my shoulder, one thing leads to another and then we start fucking."
"You fuck your sister?"
The guy replies, "Hey, I told you I was sick."
A friend of mine had resisted efforts to get him to run with our jogging group until his doctor told him he had to exercise.
Soon thereafter, he reluctantly joined us for our 5:30 a.m. jogs on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.
After a month of running, we decided that my friend might be hooked, especially when he said he had discovered what "runners euphoria" was.
"Runners euphoria," he explained, "is what I feel at 5:30 on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays."
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.
Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
"It's a period" reported Johnnie.
"Well I can see that" she said. "but what is so exciting about a period."
"Damned if I know" said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."
Two secretaries were talking about their work. "My boss insists everything must be filed in alphabetical order. I hate it," said one. "No matter how careful I am, I can never find the papers I'm looking for. I forget where I have filed them."
"I used to have that problem too, but no more," her blonde friend said. "Now I make 26 copies of everything I type and file one under each letter of the alphabet. That way, I can't miss it!"
A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a list.
"Lady," one of them explained, "we're on a scavenger hunt,
and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and
a piece of used carbon paper to earn a $5.00 prize."
"Wow," the woman replied. "Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?"
"Our baby-sitter's boyfriend."
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