A chicken farmer went to a local bar sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!" "What a coincidence" the farmer says "This is a special day for me .. I am celebrating" "This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!" says the woman. "What a coincidence!" says the farmer? As they clinked glasses the man asked "What are you celebrating?" "My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!" "What a coincidence "says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs " "That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?" "I used a different cock," he replied. The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence".
A friend asked a gentleman why he never married?
Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."
"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry."
"Yes, there was a girl... once. I guess she was the one perfect girl; the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything... I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."
"Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend.
"Unfortunately, she was looking for the perfect man."
Two hunters are in the woods when one collapses. The other quickly calls 911.
"Help! My friend collapsed and I don't think he's breathing. I think he may be dead!"
"Calm down," says the 911 operator, "I can help. You said you think he's dead. The first thing to do is make sure."
"Hold on, I'll be right back." After a couple of seconds, a shot is heard.
The hunter comes back on the line and says "OK, now what?"
Julie was driving a people carrier full of ten screaming kids through the high street looking for a space. Too frazzled to effectively pay attention, she coasted right through a stop sign.
A man in a passing car leaned out of his window and yelled, "Hey, lady, have you forgotten how to stop?"
Julie out of her window and yelled back, "What makes you think these kids are all mine?"
A Kiwi and an Aussie went fishing one afternoon and decided to have a couple of cold beers.
After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, "If I was to sneak over to your house and made wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"
The Kiwi after a great deal of thought, says, "Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."
Three women were sitting in a bar, (burnette, redhead, and a blonde) they were all pregnant.
The burnette says, "I know what I'm going to have. I was on top when I concieved so I will have a baby boy".
The red head said, "If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I concieved".
The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".
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