Two young guys are moving about in a supermarket when their carts collide.
One says to the other, "I'm sorry - I was looking for my wife."
"What a coincidence, so am I, and I'm getting a little desperate."
"Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?"
"She's tall, with long hair, long legs, firm boobs and a tight ass.
What's your wife look like?"
"Never mind, let's look for yours!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?"
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."
The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?"
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?"
His new wife replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night ... whether you're here or not."
A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted. "And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?"
His new wife replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night ... whether you're here or not."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Do you really believe your husband when he tells you he goes fishing every weekend?" asked Jane's best friend.
"Why shouldn't I?" said Jane.
"Well, maybe he is having an affair?"
"No way" said Jane "he never returns with any fish..."
Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and the man immediately gets an erection.
The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?" Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?" She says: "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she then leads him to the side of a pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.
Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few seconds a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The Huge Man says: "Sir, did you call for me?" Bob replies: "No, what do you mean?" The Huge Man: "You must be new here; it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and has his way with him.
Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked receptionist: "May I help you?" Bob says: "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee." Receptionist: "But Sir, you've only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities...
"Bob replies: "Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on twice a month, but I fart 15 times a day!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Belch is but a gust of wind
That cometh from the Heart,
But should it take a downward trend,
It turneth into a Fart
A Belch is but a gust of wind
That cometh from the Heart,
But should it take a downward trend,
It turneth into a Fart
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wind, why is it there,
Wind, how is it there,
Wind, when did it get there,
wind, where does it come from,
wind, how is it made so many qustions
Wind, why is it there,
Wind, how is it there,
Wind, when did it get there,
wind, where does it come from,
wind, how is it made so many questions.
----------------------------------------------------------
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Mark.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
"Does anyone have any questions for me?"
Then little Mark says, "Yes, I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
Mark replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the Wedding ring on," but I like your thinking."
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little Mark.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
"Does anyone have any questions for me?"
Then little Mark says, "Yes, I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
Mark replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the Wedding ring on," but I like your thinking."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For those of us in the US, it's time to start planning our
summer vacations. Although you can't shoot them any more,
you can still get a thrill by photographing animals in the
wild. The last time I was in Africa though, I got a double
hernia from carrying around the stupid rhino decoys
For those of us in the US, it's time to start planning our
summer vacations. Although you can't shoot them any more,
you can still get a thrill by photographing animals in the
wild. The last time I was in Africa though, I got a double
hernia from carrying around the stupid rhino decoys.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Three men were arguing which animal was the meanest.
The first said, "A lion was meanest with big claws and teeth it could tear a person up in a second."
The second man said, "No, it has to be a rhino with that big horn and thick hide it could tear a house down in a minute."
The third man said, "No, the meanest animal on earth is a crocagator."
The other two said, "What the hell is a crocagator. "
He said, "It has a crocadiles head and front legs on one end and an alligators head and front legs on the other end."
They said, "That can't be right, how does shit?"
He said, "It can't that's reason its so damn mean."
Three men were arguing which animal was the meanest.
The first said, "A lion was meanest with big claws and teeth it could tear a person up in a second."
The second man said, "No, it has to be a rhino with that big horn and thick hide it could tear a house down in a minute."
The third man said, "No, the meanest animal on earth is a crocagator."
The other two said, "What the hell is a crocagator. "
He said, "It has a crocadiles head and front legs on one end and an alligators head and front legs on the other end."
They said, "That can't be right, how does shit?"
He said, "It can't that's reason its so damn mean."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Q - Why do blondes buy electric lawn mowers? A- So they can find their way back to the house.
Q - Why do blondes buy electric lawn mowers ? A - So they can find their way back to the house.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
One day, a blonde goes into a store. She gets an item and walks up to the cashier. She says,"I'd like to buy this TV".
He says,"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes".
The next day, she dyes her hair red and goes back in the store, but the same thing happens.
Finally, she shaves her head and goes back in. When she tries to buy it for the third time, the man refuses.
She says, "How the hell do you know I'm blonde?".
He replied, "First of all, that's a microwave."
Actions
Back to TopicsReply to TopicShare this topic
Get paid just by sending us users/traffic.
Signup takes seconds, start now!
Signup as an affiliate!