Good Drinking Jokes
WATER...... It has been scientifically proven that if we drink 1 liter Of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more Than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli bacteria found in feces, in other words, We are consuming 1 kilo of poop!However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, Vodka, beer or other liquors) because alcohol has to go through a Distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermenting.It is better to drink wine and talk sh*t than to drink water and be full Of sh*t.There is no need to thank me for this valuable information, I am doing This as a public service.
A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face.
"Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.
He tried to stand up again but fell face first into the mud.
"Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."
The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.
"You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.
"Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"
"You left your wheelchair at the bar again
A well dressed gentlemen enters the bar of a five star restaurant, sits at the bar and orders four very expensive drinks. The bartender serves them on a silver tray, setting all four in front of the patron. The man then consumes all four drinks in a matter of seconds. The bartender comments, Wow, you sure must have a problem. If you had what I had, the man replies, youd drink them fast, too. Leaning over, the sympathetic bartender asks, What do you have? Fifty cents, the man answers.
A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, Walked into a bar in London. She raised her right arm, revealing a Huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar And asked What man here will buy a lady a drink?.
The bar went deathly quiet as the patrons tried to Ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk Slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, Give the Ballerina a drink!. The bartender poured the drink and the woman Chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at All of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, What Man here will buy a lady a drink?.
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his Money down on the bar and said, Give the Ballerina another drink!.
The bartender approached the little drunk and Said, I say, old chap, its your business if you want to buy the lady a Drink but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?. As far as Im concerned, the drunk replied, any woman who can lift her leg that high has to be a ballerina!!!
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
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