Funny Complaints
Dear Sir/madam/automated telephone answering service
Having spent the past twenty minutes waiting for someone at Leith police station to pick up a telephone I have decided to abandon the idea and try e-mailing you instead. Perhaps you would be so kind as to pass this message on to your colleagues in Leith by means of smoke signal, carrier pigeon or ouji board.
As I'm writing this e-mail there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you call them youths) in West Cromwell Street which is just off Commercial Street in Leith. Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a football against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! Which rings throughout the entire building. This game is now in it's third week and as I am unsure how the scoring system works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon.
The remaining five walking abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the wheelie bins. One of them has found a saw and is setting about a discarded chair like a beaver on speed. I fear that it's only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the bottle of calor gas that is lying on it's side between the two bins. If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches. Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and I've just finished decorating the kitchen.
What I suggest is this. After replying to this e-mail with worthless assurances that the matter is being looked into and will be dealt with, why not leave it until the one night of the year (probably bath night) when there are no mutants around then drive up the street in a panda car before doing a three point turn and disappearing again. This will of course serve no other purpose than to remind us what policemen actually look like.
I trust that when I take a claw-hammer to the skull of one of these throwbacks you'll do me the same courtesy of giving me a four month head start before coming to arrest me.
I remain sir, your obedient servant
I was applying for retirement benefits in my state. My retirement from the state was only $272. When talking to the person in charge of medical deductions I was told that I could get health Insurance through his office that would cost $972 and they could deduct it from my retirement. I told him that $972 was more than $272. I heard him using a printing calculator to check my math. You need a calculator to know that $972 is more than $272 I asked. He said (AND THIS IS NOT A LIE) We are not allowed to use our brains.
I was applying for retirement benefits in my state. My retirement from the state was only $272. When talking to the person in charge of medical deductions I was told that I could get health Insurance through his office that would cost $972 and they could deduct it from my retirement. I told him that $972 was more than $272. I heard him using a printing calculator to check my math. You need a calculator to know that $972 is more than $272 I asked. He said (AND THIS IS NOT A LIE) We are not allowed to use our brains.
The stupidity of people in Government Departments never ceases to amaze me.
The IRS expects us to believe that they "lost" two years of their internal and inter agency e-mail records. Would they believe any taxpayer who said that they "lost" all their financial records? They like most bureaucrats have no credibility.
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