Hillbilly Humor!
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I never seed nobody done it
A hillbilly and his wife were lying in bed one evening, she was knitting,
he was reading the latest issue of Animal Husbandry.
He looks up from the page and says to her, "Did you know that humans are
the only species in which the female achieves orgasm?"
She looks at him wistfully, smiles, and replies, "Oh yeah? Prove it."
He frowns for a moment, then says, "O.K." He then gets up and walks out,
leaving his wife with a confused look on her face.
About a half an hour later he returns all tired and sweaty and
proclaims, "Well I'm sure the cow and sheep didn't, but the way that
pig's always squealing, how can I tell?"
A teacher has a class full of rednecks. She asks someone to use the word 'Timbuktu' in a story.
A scrawny kid in the back raises his hand and recites proudly:
Tim and me, a hikin' we went,
Till we found three whores in a pitch-up tent.
They were three and we were two;
So I buck one and Tim buck two!
Redneck Logic Two Texas Farmers, Jim and Bob were sitting at a bar. Jim says to Bob,"You know what? I think I'm going to go to college". When he is talking to the Dean at the college, the Dean says to Jim,"You will be taking 4 classes: English, Math, Science, and Logic". "Logic? What the heck is that?" Jim said. "Here," the Dean said, " I will give you an example, do you own a weed Wacker?" "Yes." "Then logically speaking you have a house". " I do have a house". "And if you have a house, you probably have a wife, and if you have a wife you must be a heterosexual!" "Wow!" Jim said, "You found all that out just because I have a weed Wacker!" The Dean nodded. Excited, Jim goes back to Bob and says,"I will be taking 4 classes, English, Math, Science, and Logic." "Logic?" Bob said," What the heck is that?" "Here, I will give you an example, do you own a weed Wacker?" Jim said. "No," Bob replies. "Then your gay."
There were two good ol' boys from Alabama, who love to fish...
... and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They'd heard about it up in Canada, so they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, "We're gonna need an ice pick." So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, "We're gonna need another dozen ice picks."
Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn't. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left. In about an hour, he was back. Said, "We're gonna need all the ice picks you've got."
The bait man couldn't stand it any longer. "By the way," he asked, "how are you fellows doing?"
"Not very well at all," he said. "We ain't even got the boat in the water yet."
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