What's the difference between praying in church and at the track?
At the track you really mean it!

• 7 years ago

What's red and bad for your teeth?
What?
A brick.

• 6 years ago

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

• 6 years ago

You know you really love someone when you dont hate them for breaking your heart

• 6 years ago

Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.

• 6 years ago

H202 VS H2O
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says, Can I have a glass of H2O.
The second chemist says Can I have a glass of water too.
The first chemist broke down in tears his assassination attempt had failed.

• 6 years ago

"I bought a racehorse today."
"Oh, really? What is the horse's name, gender, timing, and what are you going to do with him??
"I've decided to call him 'My Face.' He is male, runs a mile in just under a minute.
I don't care if he doesn't win a race or if he makes me any money."
"Then why'nthehell did ya buy him??
I just want to hear thousands of those uppity posh bitches at the race course shouting: 'Come on, My Face!'
GOD I'd love to hear that!"

• 6 years ago

What if birds arent singing and theyre screaming because they are afraid of the heights?

• 6 years ago

Wife: "No, I'm telling you, I'm right! He couldn't eat the Trix because he was an adult rabbit and Trix were only supposed to be for kids."
Husband: "Well, I always thought it was just because he was a rabbit and not a person."
[A period of silence -- the wife looks down at her food.]
Husband: "What's wrong?"
Wife: "I'm just really getting tired of you always being wrong."

• 6 years ago