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I have a real issue around my own abuse and even though it has been years since it happened I still very much struggle with it.

I wrote about my healing journey and the trauma. Maybe you will see something there that sparks a small shift. First, you are entitled to have issues with the wrong done to you and never let those go. But there's pain and anguish and guilt and other emotions that belong to a little boy. We replicate the emotional states as a way to remember because justice is not enough. We are terrified if we forget then we fail ourselves and then what. So you were not responsible morally for any of it. Not your emotional state not how you went through it or blocked it none of it. You did the absolute best you could have done and that's amazing you are here. You did that! With that burden.

This process from here needs a good therapist 100%. It's about dealing with the feelings and letting go. It can be dangerous to survivors and therapists know how to guide n help. No one can do this alone. I couldn't. No one. Help is not only your right it's the right thing. When you are ready. Ready isn't knowing the outcome or answers. It's when you say i had enough of this alone. I need help. I had 4 before the right fit. The research and right fit are important. It's success sooner.

There is no guarantee this leads to happiness. It leads to answers and skills to cope and grow. It's a personal decision. But I am confident saying this stuff rots in us until it makes us sick. I have nothing more now than this. I hope your journey is brighter and your soul lighter.

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