RE: Random thoughts and jokes

Put chocolate spread all over your hand then put your hand underneath to the cubicle next to you and ask for some toilet paper because you are all out.

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

My Grand Mother said to me, "Young men of today just aren't as polite and charming as they were when I was young."
I had to explain, "That's because they aren't trying to fuck you now."

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

Where do pets come from?
A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to
"Where do pets come from?"
Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day.

Now we do not see you any more.
We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."
And God said, "I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you,

so that you will love me even when you cannot see me.
Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal.
And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.
And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."
And God said, "I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."
And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.
And they were comforted.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."
And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.
And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was happy.
And Cat didn't give a damn one way or the other.

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

During childhood, we're told that jokes about the genital areas are adult content,
but once we're adults, the jokes are considered childish.

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

Men spend 9 months trying to get out of the womb and a lifetime trying to get back in.

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

There was the young lady who was arrested for wearing a two-piece outfit to the beach...Socks.

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

Also known as "women's intuition," this sixth sense thing is no myth. Women seem to know what's going on in their man's lives almost better than they do. Why is this?
In the early 80's, researchers discovered that women have more connections between the brain's two hemispheres than men do. It's these connections that allow them to put together a puzzle from seemingly unconnectable pieces...that, and they go through your stuff while you're in the shower.

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

Our clocks all need changing tonight.
Daylight Saving Time oh what a blight!
We may think it a crock,
But must alter each clock
Till the powers that be see the light.

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

As I walk in the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I think to myself,
"This place obviously wasn't named by a real-estate developer."

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RE: Random thoughts and jokes

Maybe carrots will improve my eyesight and give me strong, sharp eyes, but what if they also give me long floppy ears?

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