Call Girl
I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when your calling for a cab. I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the way up to her butt.
You know the kind. So I'm in my room and figure, what the hell, I'll give her a call.
"Hello?" the woman says. God, she sounded sexy.
"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it. Bring all your implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We will go hot and heavy all night; Tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in chocolate syrup and whip cream, anything you want baby. Now, how does that sound?"
She says, "That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press 9."
Each evening a bird lover stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him.
For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation"...
Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor.
"My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!"
An elderly couple go to church one Sunday.
Halfway through the service, the wife leans over and whispers in her husbands ear, "I've just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"
The husband replies, "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
An aging Sheik had determined that only one of his sons would inherit his sheikdom.
To choose the benefactor, he gave each of them a horse, and instructed them that whichever horse returned last,
would be the one who inherited the sheikdom.
The sons wandered around out there on the desert for months, neither wanting to be the first to return.
Then they came upon a wise old man, and explained their plight to him.
He immediately solved their problem and the matter was decided that very day.
What advice did the wise old man give the sons?
Congratulations to all who answered:
He advised them to swap horses!
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