*Airport Full Body Scan Status Report*
Finally, some useful facts are coming out about all of those airport
full body scans!*FULL BODY SCANS AT AIRPORTS*
*CATSA disclosed the following*
*Airport Screening Results*
*December 2014 Statistics On Airport Full Body Screening From CATSA :*
*Terrorists Discovered* = 0
*Transvestites* = 133
*Hernias* = 1,485
*Hemorrhoid Cases* = 3,172
*Enlarged Prostates* = 8,249
*Breast Implants* = 59,350
*Natural Blondes* = 3
*It was also discovered that 308 politicians*
*had no balls.*
Thought you'd like to know.
Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
One old lady turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get horny?" The other replies, "Oh sure I do."
The first old lady asks, "What do you do about it?"
The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"
Heisenberg and Schrodinger get pulled over for speeding.
The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!"
The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 108
miles per hour!"
Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now we're
lost!"
The officer looks over the car and asks Schrodinger if the two men
have anything in the trunk.
"A cat," Schrodinger replies.
The cop opens the trunk and yells "Hey! This cat is dead."
Schrodinger angrily replies, "Well he is now."
I went to local Hamburger Restaurant. I asked the waitress,
"Do you really serve the meanest burgers in town?"
She said, "That's what our motto is, sir! And we are very true to it."
I ordered a hamburger and ate it.
While collecting the check, the waitress asked me, "How did you like our burger, sir?"
I said, "Mmmeh! It was about average."
The waitress beamed with joy and exclaimed, "You see! We are so true to our motto..."
Top Twenty Signs She's Getting Bored Having Sex With
You
20. After you request sex she replies, "Wait 'til
the Nyquil kicks in."
19. Gets very upset when the
ashtray falls off your ass.
18. Actually answers when
you ask "Who's your daddy?"
17. Last time she screamed
during sex was the first time she won at solitaire.
16.
Only moans during commercial breaks.
15. Starts her
fake orgasms during foreplay.
14. Keeps trying to set
you up with her friends.
13. Runs for vacant Senate
seat in New York.
12. You are currently sitting
backstage at the Springer show.
11. Beginning to think
she is only "playing" dead.
10. During the act, she
actually yelled out, "Oh, Baby, Yadda,
Yadda,Yadda."
9. Has suddenly started
making you pay in advance.
8. Her moans of
delight discovered to actually be a .wav file.
7. Instead of asking to leave her shirt on, she wants to
leave her pants on, too.
6. Keeps asking,
"Are you SURE you're not gay?"
5.
Boredom? So that's why she keeps
deflating!!
4. Holds up a picture of the
Playboy centerfold to hurry you along.
3.
Asks to be on top so she can balance her checkbook
better.
2. She yells out her own
name.
1. Bangs her head on the headboard
BEFORE you begin.
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