RE:Random thoughts and jokes

What's the difference between praying in church and at the track?
At the track you really mean it!

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RE:Random thoughts and jokes

What's red and bad for your teeth?
What?
A brick.

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RE:Random thoughts and jokes

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

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RE:Random thoughts and jokes

You know you really love someone when you dont hate them for breaking your heart

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RE:Random thoughts and jokes

Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.

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RE:Random thoughts and jokes

Lift the corners of your mouth and smile. If you can't manage that just let the middle droop.

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RE:Random thoughts and jokes

H202 VS H2O
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says, Can I have a glass of H2O.
The second chemist says Can I have a glass of water too.
The first chemist broke down in tears his assassination attempt had failed.

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RE:Random thoughts and jokes

"I bought a racehorse today."
"Oh, really? What is the horse's name, gender, timing, and what are you going to do with him??
"I've decided to call him 'My Face.' He is male, runs a mile in just under a minute.
I don't care if he doesn't win a race or if he makes me any money."
"Then why'nthehell did ya buy him??
I just want to hear thousands of those uppity posh bitches at the race course shouting: 'Come on, My Face!'
GOD I'd love to hear that!"

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RE:Random thoughts and jokes

What if birds arent singing and theyre screaming because they are afraid of the heights?

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RE:Random thoughts and jokes

Wife: "No, I'm telling you, I'm right! He couldn't eat the Trix because he was an adult rabbit and Trix were only supposed to be for kids."
Husband: "Well, I always thought it was just because he was a rabbit and not a person."
[A period of silence -- the wife looks down at her food.]
Husband: "What's wrong?"
Wife: "I'm just really getting tired of you always being wrong."

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